locked up his Church for the last time. It was warmer outside than in,
and lighter, for daylight was not quite gone. He moved away a few yards,
and stood looking up. Walls, buttresses, and spire were clothed in milky
shadowy grey. The top of the spire seemed to touch a star. 'Goodbye,
my Church!' he thought. 'Good-bye, good-bye!' He felt his face
quiver; clenched his teeth, and turned away.
XII
When Noel fled, Fort had started forward to stop her; then, realising
that with his lameness he could never catch her, he went back and
entered Leila's bedroom.
She had taken off her dress, and was standing in front of her glass,
with the cigarette still in her mouth; and the only movement was the
curling of its blue smoke. He could see her face reflected, pale, with
a little spot of red in each cheek, and burning red ears. She had not
seemed to hear him coming in, but he saw her eyes change when they
caught his reflection in the mirror. From lost and blank, they became
alive and smouldering.
“Noel's gone!” he said.
She answered, as if to his reflection in the glass
“And you haven't gone too? Ah, no! Of course—your leg! She fled, I
suppose? It was rather a jar, my coming in, I'm afraid.”
“No; it was my coming in that was the jar.”
Leila turned round. “Jimmy! I wonder you could discuss me. The
rest—” She shrugged her shoulders—“But that!”
“I was not discussing you. I merely said you were not to be envied for
having me. Are you?”
The moment he had spoken, he was sorry. The anger in her eyes changed
instantly, first to searching, then to misery. She cried out:
“I was to be envied. Oh! Jimmy; I was!” and flung herself face down
on the bed.
Through Fort's mind went the thought: 'Atrocious!' How could he
soothe—make her feel that he loved her, when he didn't—that he
wanted her, when he wanted Noel. He went up to the bedside and touched
her timidly:
“Leila, what is it? You're overtired. What's the matter? I
couldn't help the child's being here. Why do you let it upset you?
She's gone. It's all right. Things are just as they were.”
“Yes!” came the strangled echo; “just!”
He knelt down and stroked her arm. It shivered under the touch, seemed
to stop shivering and wait for the next touch, as if hoping it might be
warmer; shivered again.
“Look at me!” he said. “What is it you want? I'm ready to do
anything.”
She turned and drew herself up on the bed, screwing herself back against
the pillow as if for support, with her knees drawn under her. He was
astonished at the strength of her face and figure, thus entrenched.
“My dear Jimmy!” she said, “I want you to do nothing but get me
another cigarette. At my age one expects no more than one gets!” She
held out her thumb and finger: “Do you mind?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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