“Then why does He give it a free rein? A man too fond of drink, or
women—how much mercy does he get from Nature? His overindulgence
brings its exact equivalent of penalty; let him pray to God as much as
he likes—unless he alters his ways he gets no mercy. If he does alter
his ways, he gets no mercy either; he just gets Nature's due reward.
We English who have neglected brain and education—how much mercy
are we getting in this war? Mercy's a man-made ornament, disease,
or luxury—call it what you will. Except that, I've nothing to say
against it. On the contrary, I am all for it.”
Once more Pierson looked at his daughter. Something in her face hurt
him—the silent intensity with which she was hanging on her husband's
words, the eager search of her eyes. And he turned to the door, saying:
“This is bad for you, George.”
He saw Gratian put her hand on her husband's forehead, and
thought—jealously: 'How can I save my poor girl from this
infidelity? Are my twenty years of care to go for nothing, against this
modern spirit?'
Down in his study, the words went through his mind: “Holy, holy, holy,
Merciful and Mighty!” And going to the little piano in the corner, he
opened it, and began playing the hymn. He played it softly on the shabby
keys of this thirty-year old friend, which had been with him since
College days; and sang it softly in his worn voice.
A sound made him look up. Gratian had come in. She put her hand on his
shoulder, and said:
“I know it hurts you, Dad. But we've got to find out for ourselves,
haven't we? All the time you and George were talking, I felt that you
didn't see that it's I who've changed. It's not what he
thinks, but what I've come to think of my own accord. I wish you'd
understand that I've got a mind of my own, Dad.”
Pierson looked up with amazement.
“Of course you have a mind.”
Gratian shook her head. “No, you thought my mind was yours; and now
you think it's George's. But it's my own. When you were my age
weren't you trying hard to find the truth yourself, and differing from
your father?”
Pierson did not answer. He could not remember. It was like stirring
a stick amongst a drift of last year's leaves, to awaken but a dry
rustling, a vague sense of unsubstantiality. Searched? No doubt he had
searched, but the process had brought him nothing. Knowledge was all
smoke! Emotional faith alone was truth—reality!
“Ah, Gracie!” he said, “search if you must, but where will you
find bottom? The well is too deep for us. You will come back to God, my
child, when you're tired out; the only rest is there.”
“I don't want to rest. Some people search all their lives, and die
searching. Why shouldn't I.
“You will be most unhappy, my child.”
“If I'm unhappy, Dad, it'll be because the world's unhappy. I
don't believe it ought to be; I think it only is, because it shuts its
eyes.”
Pierson got up. “You think I shut my eyes?”
Gratian nodded.
“If I do, it is because there is no other way to happiness.”
“Are you happy; Dad?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account