Isy had contrived to postpone her return to her aunt until James was
gone; for she dreaded being in the house with him lest anything should
lead to the discovery of the relation between them. Soon after his
departure, however, she had to encounter the appalling fact that the
dread moment was on its way when she would no longer be able to conceal
the change in her condition. Her first and last thought was then, how
to protect the good name of her lover, and avoid involving him in the
approaching ruin of her reputation. With this in view she vowed to God
and to her own soul absolute silence with regard to the past: James’s
name even should never pass her lips! Nor did she find the vow hard to
keep, even when her aunt took measures to draw her secret from her; but
the dread lest in her pains she should cry out for the comfort which
James alone could give her, almost drove her to poison, from which only
the thought of his coming child restrained her. Enabled at length only
by the pure inexorability of her hour, she passed through her sorrow and
found herself still alive, with her lips locked tight on her secret.
The poor girl who was weak enough to imperil her good name for love of
a worthless man, was by that love made strong to shield him from the
consequences of her weakness. Whether in this she did well for the
world, for the truth, or for her own soul, she never wasted a thought.
In vain did her aunt ply her with questions; she felt that to answer one
of them would be to wrong him, and lose her last righteous hold upon the
man who had at least once loved her a little. Without a gleam, without
even a shadow of hope for herself, she clung, through shame and blame,
to his scathlessness as the only joy left her. He had most likely, she
thought, all but forgotten her very existence, for he had never written
to her, or made any effort to discover what had become of her. She clung
to the conviction that he could never have heard of what had befallen
her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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