A moment more and his mind was busy with a passage in his sermon which
seemed about to escape his memory: it was still as impossible for him to
talk freely about the things a minister is supposed to love best, as
it had been when he began to preach. It was not, certainly, out of the
fulness of the heart that _his_ mouth ever spoke!
He sought the house of Mr. Robertson, the friend he had come to assist,
had supper with him and his wife, and retired early. In the morning he
went to his friend’s church, in the afternoon rehearsed his sermon to
himself, and when the evening came, climbed the pulpit-stair, and soon
appeared engrossed in its rites. But as he seemed to be pouring out his
soul in the long extempore prayer, he suddenly opened his eyes as
if unconsciously compelled, and that moment saw, in the front of the
gallery before him, a face he could not doubt to be that of Isy. Her
gaze was fixed upon him; he saw her shiver, and knew that she saw and
recognized him. He felt himself grow blind. His head swam, and he felt
as if some material force was bending down his body sideways from her.
Such, nevertheless, was his self-possession, that he reclosed his eyes,
and went on with his prayer—if that could in any sense be prayer where
he knew neither word he uttered, thing he thought, nor feeling that
moved him. With Claudius in _Hamlet_ he might have said,
My words fly up, my thoughts remain below:
Words without thoughts never to heaven go!
But while yet speaking, and holding his eyes fast that he might not
see her again, his consciousness all at once returned—it seemed to him
through a mighty effort of the will, and upon that he immediately began
to pride himself. Instantly thereupon he was aware of his thoughts and
words, and knew himself able to control his actions and speech. All
the while, however, that he conducted the rest of the “service,” he was
constantly aware, although he did not again look at her, of the figure
of Isy before him, with its gaze fixed motionless upon him, and began at
last to wonder vaguely whether she might not be dead, and come back from
the grave to his mind a mysterious thought-spectre. But at the close of
the sermon, when the people stood up to sing, she rose with them; and
the half-dazed preacher sat down, exhausted with emotion, conflict, and
effort at self-command. When he rose once more for the benediction,
she was gone; and yet again he took refuge in the doubt whether she had
indeed been present at all.
When Mrs. Robertson had retired, and James was sitting with his host
over their tumbler of toddy, a knock came to the door. Mr. Robertson
went to open it, and James’s heart sank within him. But in a moment his
host returned, saying it was a policeman to let him know that a woman
was lying drunk at the bottom of his doorsteps, and to inquire what he
wished done with her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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