Sam in the SuburbsWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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Sam in the Suburbs
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
England -- Fiction; Gangsters -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Publishers and publishing -- Fiction
It was quiet in the tea shop at this hour, and the tryst had been
arranged with that fact in mind. For this was in all essentials a board
meeting of the syndicate, and business men and women do not like to have
their talk interrupted by noisy strangers clamorous for food. With the
exception of a woman in a black silk dress with bugles who, incredible
as it may seem, had ordered cocoa and sparkling limado simultaneously
and was washing down a meal of Cambridge sausages and pastry with
alternate draughts of both liquids, the place was empty.
Soapy and his bride, Chimp perceived, were looking grave, even gloomy;
and in the process of crossing the room he forced his own face into an
expression in sympathy with theirs. It would not do, he realised, to
allow his joyous excitement to become manifest at what was practically a
post-mortem. For the meeting had been convened to sit upon the failure
of his recent scheme and he suspected the possibility of a vote of
censure. He therefore sat down with a heavy seriousness befitting the
occasion; and having ordered a cup of coffee, replied to his companions’
questioning glances with a sorrowful shake of the head.
“Nothing stirring,” he said.
“You haven’t doped out another scheme,” said Dolly, bending her shapely
brows in a frown.
“Not yet.”
“Then,” demanded the lady heatedly, “where does this
sixty-five-thirty-five stuff come in? That’s what I’d like to know.”
“Me, too,” said Mr. Molloy with spirit. It occurred to Chimp that a
little informal discussion must have been indulged in by his colleagues
of the board previous to his arrival, for their unanimity was wonderful.
“You threw a lot of bull about being the brains of the concern,” said
Dolly accusingly, “and said that, being the brains of the concern, you
had ought to be paid highest. And now you blow in and admit that you
haven’t any more ideas than a rabbit.”
“Not so many,” said Mr. Molloy, who liked rabbits and had kept them as a
child.
Chimp stirred his coffee thoughtfully. He was meditating on what a
difference a very brief time can make in the fortunes of man. But for
that amazing incursion of Lord Tilbury, he would have been approaching
this interview in an extremely less happy frame of mind. For it was
plain that the temper of the shareholders was stormy.
“You’re quite right, Dolly,” he said humbly, “quite right. I’m not so
good as I thought I was.”
This handsome admission should have had the effect proverbially
attributed to soft words, but it served only to fan the flame.
“Then where do you get off with this sixty-five-thirty-five?”
“I don’t,” said Chimp. “I don’t, Dolly.” The man’s humility was
touching. “That’s all cold. We split fifty-fifty, that’s what we do.”
Soft words may fail, but figures never. Dolly uttered a cry that caused
the woman in the bugles to spill her cocoa, and Mr. Molloy shook as with
a palsy.
“Now you’re talking,” said Dolly.
“Now,” said Mr. Molloy, “you are talking.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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