Sam in the SuburbsWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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Sam in the Suburbs
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
England -- Fiction; Gangsters -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Publishers and publishing -- Fiction
The garden of Mon Repos presented an animated spectacle. Sam was
watering a flower bed, and not far away the dog Amy, knee-deep in a tub,
was being bathed by a small, clean-shaven man who was a stranger to
Claire.
Both of them seemed to be having a rough passage. Amy, as is the habit
of her species on these occasions, was conveying the impression of being
at death’s door and far from resigned. Her mournful eyes stared
hopelessly at the sky, her brow was wrinkled with a perplexed sorrow,
and at intervals she uttered a stricken wail. On these occasions she in
addition shook herself petulantly, and Chimp Twist--for, as Miss Blair
would have said, it was he--was always well within range.
Claire stopped, transfixed. She had had no notion that the staff of Mon
Repos had been augmented, and it seemed to her that Chimp had been sent
from heaven. Here, right on the spot, in daily association with Hash,
was the desired male. She smiled dazzlingly upon Chimp.
“Hullo,” she said.
“Hullo,” said Chimp.
He spoke moodily, for he was feeling moody. There might be golden
rewards at the end of this venture of his, but he perceived already that
they would have to be earned. Last night Hash Todhunter had won six
shilling from him at stud poker, and Chimp was a thrifty man. Moreover,
Hash slept in the top back room, and when not in it, locked the door.
This latter fact may seem to offer little material for gloom on Chimp’s
part, but it was, indeed, the root of all his troubles. In informing Mr.
and Mrs. Molloy that the plunder of the late Edward Finglass was hidden
in the cistern of Mon Repos, Chimp Twist had been guilty of
subterfuge--pardonable, perhaps, for your man of affairs must take these
little business precautions, but nevertheless subterfuge. In the letter
which, after carefully memorising, he had just as carefully destroyed,
Mr. Finglass had revealed that the proceeds of his flutter with the New
Asiatic Bank might be found not in the cistern but rather by anyone who
procured a chisel and raised the third board from the window in the top
back room. Chimp had not foreseen that this top back room would be
occupied by a short-tempered cook who, should he discover people prying
up his floor with chisels, would scarcely fail to make himself
unpleasant. That was why Mr. Twist spoke moodily to Claire, and who
shall blame him?
Claire was not discouraged. She had cast Chimp for the rôle of stalking
horse and he was going to be it.
“Is the doggie having his bath?” she asked archly.
“I think they’re splitting it about fifty-fifty,” said Sam, adding
himself to the conversation.
Claire perceived that this was, indeed, so.
“Oh, you are wet,” she cried. “You’ll catch cold. Would you like a nice
cup of hot tea?”
Something approaching gratitude appeared in Chimp’s mournful face.
“Thank you, miss,” he said. “I would.”
“We’re spoiling you,” said Sam.
He sauntered down the garden, plying his hose, and Claire hurried back
to her kitchen.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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