Sam in the SuburbsWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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Sam in the Suburbs
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
England -- Fiction; Gangsters -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Publishers and publishing -- Fiction
On setting out that night Sam had divided his money into two portions.
His baggage, together with his letter of credit, had preceded him across
the ocean on the _Mauretania_; and as it might be a day or so before he
could establish connection with it, he had prudently placed the bulk of
his ready money in his note-case, earmarking it for the purchase of new
clothes and other necessaries on the morrow so that he might be enabled
to pay his first visit to Tilbury House in becoming state. The
remainder, sufficient for the evening’s festivities, he had put in his
trousers pockets.
It was into his right trousers pocket therefore that he now groped. His
fingers closed on a half-crown. He promptly dropped it. He was feeling
_seigneurial_, but not so _seigneurial_ as that. Something more in the
nature of a couple of coppers was what he was looking for, and it
surprised him to find that except for the half-crown the pocket appeared
to be empty. He explored the other pocket. That was empty too.
The explanation was, of course, that the life of pleasure comes high.
You cannot go stuffing yourself and a voracious sea cook at restaurants,
taking buses and Underground trains all over the place, and finally
winding up at a cinema palace, without cutting into your capital. Sam
was reluctantly forced to the conclusion that the half-crown was his
only remaining spare coin. He was, accordingly, about to abandon the
idea of largess and move on, when the vocalist, having worked his way
through You’re the Sort of a Girl That Men Forget, began to sing that
other popular ballad entitled Sailors Don’t Care. And it was no doubt
the desire to refute the slur implied in these words on the great
brotherhood of which he was an amateur member that decided Sam to be
lavish.
The half-crown changed hands.
Sam resumed his walk. At a quarter past eleven at night there is little
to amuse and interest the stroller east of Wellington Street, so he now
crossed the road and turned westward. And he had not been walking more
than a few paces when he found himself looking into the brightly lighted
window of a small restaurant that appeared to specialise in shellfish.
The slab beyond the glass was paved with the most insinuating oysters.
Overcome with emotion, Sam stopped in his tracks.
There is something about the oyster, nestling in its shell, which in the
hours that come when the theatres are closed and London is beginning to
give itself up to nocturnal revelry stirs right-thinking men like a
bugle. There swept over Sam a sudden gnawing desire for nourishment.
Oysters with brown bread and a little stout were, he perceived, just
what this delightful evening demanded by way of a fitting climax. He
pulled out his note-case. Even if it meant an inferior suit next
morning, one of those Treasury notes which lay there must be broken into
here and now.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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