Sam in the SuburbsWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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Sam in the Suburbs
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
England -- Fiction; Gangsters -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Publishers and publishing -- Fiction
For some minutes he remained where he was, hoping for Mr. Braddock’s
return. But the moments passed and no sound of footsteps, however
distant, broke the stillness; so, after going through a brief
commination service in which the names of Hash Todhunter, Claude Bates
and Willoughby Braddock were prominently featured, he decided to make a
move. And it was as he came down from the steps on to the little strip
of gravel that he saw a board leaning drunkenly towards him a few paces
to his left, and read on that board the words “To Let, Furnished.”
This opened up an entirely new train of thought. It revealed to him what
he had not previously suspected, that the house outside which he stood
was not one house but two houses. It suggested, moreover, that the one
to which the board alluded was unoccupied, and the effect of this was
extraordinarily stimulating.
He hurried along the gravel; and rounding the angle of the building,
saw dimly through the darkness a structure attached to its side which
looked like a conservatory. He bolted in; and with a pleasant feeling of
having circumvented Fate, sat down on a wooden shelf intended as a
resting place for potted geraniums.
But Fate is not so easily outmanœuvred. Fate, for its own inscrutable
reasons, had decided that Sam was to be thoroughly persecuted to-night,
and it took up the attack again without delay. There was a sharp
cracking sound and the wooden shelf collapsed in ruin. Sam had many
excellent qualities, but he did not in the least resemble a potted
geranium, and he went through the woodwork as if it had been paper. And
Fate, which observes no rules of the ring and has no hesitation about
hitting a man when he is down, immediately proceeded to pour water down
his neck through a hole in the broken roof.
Sam rose painfully. He saw now that he had been mistaken in supposing
that this conservatory was a home from home. He turned up his coat
collar and strode wrathfully out into the darkness. He went round to the
back of the house with the object of ascertaining if there was an
outside coal cellar where a man might achieve dryness, if not positive
comfort. And it was as he stumbled along that he saw the open window.
It was a sight which in the blackness of the night he might well have
missed; but suffering had sharpened his senses, and he saw it
plainly--an open window only a few feet above the ground. Until this
moment the idea of actually breaking into the house had not occurred to
him; but now, regardless of all the laws which discourage such
behaviour, he put his hand on the sill and scrambled through. The rain,
as if furious at the escape of its prey, came lashing down like a shower
bath.
Sam moved carefully on. Groping his way, he found himself at the foot of
a flight of stairs. He climbed these cautiously and became aware of
doors to left and right.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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