Sam in the SuburbsWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Sam in the Suburbs
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
England -- Fiction; Gangsters -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Publishers and publishing -- Fiction
There was a silence. Sam, feeling that the interview, having reached
this point, might be considered over, got up.
“Wait a moment,” said Mr. Pynsent. “I want to tell you what plans I have
made for your future.”
Sam was agreeably surprised. He had not supposed that his future would
be of interest to Mr. Pynsent.
“Have you made plans?”
“Yes; everything is settled.”
“This is fine, uncle,” said Sam cordially. “I thought you were going to
drive me out into the snow.”
“Do you remember meeting an Englishman named Lord Tilbury at dinner at
my house?”
Sam did indeed. His Lordship had got him wedged into a corner after the
meal and had talked without a pause for more than half an hour.
“He is the proprietor of the Mammoth Publishing Company, a concern which
produces a great many daily and weekly papers in London.”
Sam was aware of this. Lord Tilbury’s conversation had been almost
entirely autobiographical.
“Well, he is returning to England on Saturday on the _Mauretania_, and
you are going with him.”
“Eh?”
“He has offered to employ you in his business.”
“But I don’t know anything about newspaper work.”
“You don’t know anything about anything,” Mr. Pynsent pointed out
gently. “It is the effect of your English public-school education.
However, you certainly cannot be a greater failure with Lord Tilbury
than you have been with me. That wastepaper basket over there has been
in my office only four days, and already it knows more about the export
and import business than you would learn if you stayed here fifty
years.”
Sam made plaintive noises. Fifty years, he considered, was an
overstatement.
“I concealed nothing of this from Lord Tilbury, but nevertheless he
insists on engaging you.”
“Odd,” said Sam. He could not help feeling a little flattered at this
intense desire for his services on the part of a man who had met him
only once. Lord Tilbury might be a bore, but there was no getting away
from the fact that he had that gift without which no one can amass a
large fortune--that strange, almost uncanny gift for spotting the good
man when he saw him.
“Not at all odd,” said Mr. Pynsent. “He and I are in the middle of a
business deal. He is trying to persuade me to do something which at
present I have not made up my mind to do. He thinks that by taking you
off my hands he will put me under an obligation. So he will.”
“Uncle,” said Sam impressively, “I will make good.”
“You’d better,” returned Mr. Pynsent, unmelted. “It is your last
chance. There is no earthly reason why I should go on supporting you for
the rest of your life, and I do not intend to do it. If you make a mess
of things at Tilbury House, don’t think that you can come running back
to me. There will be no fatted calf. Remember that.”
“I will, uncle, I will. But don’t worry. Something tells me I am going
to be good. I shall like going to England.”
“I am glad to hear that. Well, that is all. Good afternoon.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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