Sam in the SuburbsWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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Sam in the Suburbs
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
England -- Fiction; Gangsters -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Publishers and publishing -- Fiction
It might, of course, be possible to lay no stress upon this
occurrence--to ignore it and pass. In kissing, as kissing, there is
nothing fundamentally reprehensible. The early Christians used to do it
all the time to everyone they met. But the historian is too conscious of
the raised eyebrows of his audience to attempt this attitude. Some
explanation, he realises, some argument to show why Sam is not to be
condemned out of hand, is imperative.
In these circumstances the embarrassing nature of the historian’s
position is readily intelligible. Only a short while back he was
inviting the customers to shudder with loathing at the spectacle of
Claude Bates kissing this girl, and now, all in a flash, he finds
himself faced with the task of endeavouring to palliate the behaviour of
Sam Shotter in doing the very same thing.
Well, he must do the best he can. Let us marshal the facts.
In the first place, there stood on Mr. Wrenn’s desk, as on every other
editorial desk in Tilbury House, a large framed card bearing the words,
DO IT NOW! Who shall say whether this may not subconsciously have
influenced the young man?
In the second place, when you have been carrying about a girl’s
photograph in your breast pocket for four months and brooding over it
several times a day with a beating heart, it is difficult for you to
regard that girl, when you eventually meet her, as a perfect stranger.
And in the third place--and here we approach the very root of the
matter--there was the smile.
Girls as pretty as Kay Derrick, especially if their faces are by nature
a little grave, should be extremely careful how and when they smile.
There was that about Kay’s face when in repose which, even when she was
merely wondering what trimming to put on a hat, gave strangers the
impression that here was a pure white soul musing wistfully on life’s
sadness. The consequence was that when she smiled it was as if the sun
had suddenly shone out through clouds. Her smile seemed to make the
world on the instant a sweeter and a better place. Policemen, when she
flashed it on them after being told the way somewhere, became of a
sudden gayer, happier policemen and sang as they directed the traffic.
Beggars, receiving it as a supplement to a small donation, perked up
like magic and started to bite the ears of the passers-by with an
abandon that made all the difference. And when they saw that smile, even
babies in their perambulators stopped looking like peevish poached eggs
and became almost human.
And it was this smile that she had bestowed upon Sam. And Sam, it will
be remembered, had been waiting months and months for it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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