Sam in the SuburbsWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Sam in the Suburbs
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
England -- Fiction; Gangsters -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Publishers and publishing -- Fiction
He fumbled in his pocket and produced a note-case. Having done this, he
paused. Then, seeming to overcome a momentary hesitation, he opened the
case and from it, with the delicacy of an Indian priest at a shrine
handling a precious relic, extracted a folded piece of paper.
A casual observer, deceived by a certain cheery irresponsibility that
marked his behaviour, might have set Sam Shotter down as one of those
essentially material young men in whose armour romance does not easily
find a chink. He would have erred in this assumption. For all that he
weighed a hundred and seventy pounds of bone and sinew and had when
amused--which was often--a laugh like that of the hyena in its native
jungle, there was sentiment in Sam. Otherwise this paper would scarcely
have been in his possession.
“But before showing it to you,” he said, eying Hash intently, “I would
like to ask you a question. Do you see anything funny, anything
laughable, anything at all ludicrous, in a fellow going for a fishing
trip to Canada and being stuck in a hut miles from anywhere with nothing
to read and nothing to listen to except the wild duck calling to its
mate and the nifties of a French-Canadian guide who couldn’t speak more
than three words of English----”
“No,” said Hash.
“I haven’t finished. Do you--to proceed--see anything absurd in the fact
that such a fellow, in such a situation, finding the photograph of a
beautiful girl tacked up on the wall of the hut by some previous visitor
and having nothing else to look at for five weeks, should have fallen in
love with this photograph? Think before you answer.”
“No,” said Hash, after consideration. He was not a man who readily
detected the humorous aspect of anything.
“That’s good,” said Sam. “And lucky for you. Because had you let one
snicker out of yourself--just one--I would have smitten you rather
forcibly on the beezer. Well, I did.”
“Did what?”
“Found this picture tacked up on the wall and fell in love with it.
Look!”
He unfolded the paper reverently. It now revealed itself as a portion of
a page torn from one of those illustrated journals which brighten the
middle of the Englishman’s week. Its sojourn on the wall of the fishing
hut had not improved it. It was faded and yellow, and over one corner a
dark stain had spread itself, seeming to indicate that some occupant of
the hut had at one time or another done a piece of careless carving.
Nevertheless, he gazed at it as a young knight might have gazed upon the
Holy Grail.
“Well?”
Hash surveyed the paper closely.
“That’s mutton gravy,” he said, pointing at the stain and forming a
professional man’s swift diagnosis. “Beef wouldn’t be so dark.”
Sam regarded him with a glance of concentrated loathing which would have
embarrassed a more sensitive man.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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