Samantha among the Brethren — Volume 4Holley, Marietta
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Samantha among the Brethren — Volume 4
Holley, Marietta
Methodism -- Humor; Women in church work -- Methodist church -- Humor; Women's rights -- Humor
The minister didn't mean nothin' only pure gospel, when he preached
about it. But it proved to be a tight-breasted, close-fittin' coat
to several of the male brothers, and it fitted 'em so well it fairly
pinched 'em.
But there it wuz, Deacon Bobbet wouldn't gi'n a cent towards raisin' the
money. And there wuz them that said, and stuck to it, that he said "he
wouldn't give a _darn_ cent."
But I don't know as that is so. I wouldn't want to be the one that said
that he had demeaned himself to that extent.
Wall, he wouldn't give a cent, and Peedick wouldn't give, and Deacon
Henzy and Deacon Sypher wouldn't. They said that there wuz certain
members of the meetin' house that had said to certain people suthin'
slightin' about buzz saws.
I myself thought then, and think still, that the subject of buzz saws
had a great deal to do in makin' 'em act so riz up and excited. I
believe the subject rasped 'em, and made 'em nervous. But when these
various hardnesses aroze amongst some of the brethern, the rest of the
men kinder joined in with 'em, some on one side, and some on the other,
and they all baulked right out of the harness. (Allegory.) And there the
minister wuz, good old creeter, jest a-sufferin' for the necessities of
life, and most half a year's salery due.
I tell you it looked dark. The men all said they couldn't see no way out
of the trouble, and some of the wimmen felt about so. And old Miss Henn,
one of our most able sisters, she had gi'n out, she wuz as mad as her
own sirname about how her Metilda had been used.
The meetin' house had just hauled her up for levity. And I thought then,
and think now, that the meetin' house wuz too hard on Metilda Henn.
She did titter right out in protracted meetin', Sister Henn don't deny
it, and she felt dretful bad about it, and so did I. But Metilda said,
and stuck to it, that she couldn't have helped laughin' if it had been
to save her life. And though I realized the awfulness of it, still, when
some of the brethern wuz goin' on dretful about it, I sez to 'em:
"The Bible sez there is a time to laugh, and I don't know when that is,
unless it is when you can't help it."
What she wuz a-laughin' at wuz this:
There wuz a widder woman by the name of Nancy Lum that always come to
evenin' meetin's.
She wuz very tall and humbly, and she had been on the look out (so it
wuz s'pozed) for a 3d husband for some time.
She had always made a practice of saying one thing over and over to all
the protracted and Conference meetin's, and she would always bust out
a-cryin' before she got it all out.
She always said "she wanted to be found always at the foot of the
Cross."
She would always begin this remark dretful kinder loud and hysterical,
and then would dwindle down kinder low at the end on't, and bustin' out
into tears somewhere through it from first to last.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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