I wuz demute, and didn’t say nuthin’, and John Richard sez, in a deep
axent and a earnest one, “But will this Government be warned by past
judgments and past experience and be wise in time?
“I don’t know,” sez he, a answerin’ himself; for truly I didn’t know
what to say nor how to say it.
“You spoke just now of the expense. It will cost less now to avert
an evil than it will cost for its overthrow, when time, and national
follies, and men’s bad passions, and inevitable causes have matured it,
and the red cloud has burst in its livid fury over a doomed land. But
time will tell.
“But while delays go on, the mills of the gods are grinding on; time
nor tide cannot stop them. And if this nation sits down at its ease for
a decade longer, woe to this republic!”
I wuz so thrilled, and skairt, and enthused by Cousin John Richard’s
eloquence and strange and fiery words and flowery language that when I
sort o’ come to myself I looked up, a expectin’ to see Josiah bathed in
tears, for he weeps easy.
But even as I looked, I heard a low, peaceful snore. And I see that
Josiah Allen had so fur forgot good manners and what wuz due to high
principles and horspitality as to set there fast asleep. Yes, sleepin’
as sweet as a babe in its mother’s arms.
I looked mortified, I know.
But Cousin John Richard took it all historically—nuthin’ personal
could touch him, so it seemed.
And sez he to me. “There is a fair instance of what I have told you,
cousin—a plain illustration of the indifference and unbelief of the
North as to the state of affairs in the Southern States.”
“Wall,” sez I, “Josiah has been broke of his rest some durin’ the year
with newraligy, and you must overlook it in him.”
And, wantin’ to change the subject, I asked him if he wouldn’t like a
glass of new milk before retirin’ and goin’ to bed.
And he said he would; and I brung it in to him with a little plate of
crackers on a tray. And as I come by Josiah Allen I made calculation
ahead to hit him axidentally on his bald head with my elbow.
And he started up, with his face nearly covered with smiles and
mortification, and sez he:
“That last remark of yours, Cousin John Richard, wuz very convincin’
and eloquent.”
The remark wuz, “I like new milk very much.”
But I wouldn’t throw that milk into his face. And Cousin John received
the milk and the remark with composure.
And I kep’ them two men down on to relations, and sheep, and such like
subjects till I got ’em off to bed.
I give John Richard a good dose of spignut syrup, for he complained of
a sore throat, and he wuz hoarse as a frog. Good land! I should have
thought he would be, talkin’ as much as he had, and eloquent too.
Eloquence is dretful tuckerin’; I know well its effects on the system,
though mebby I hadn’t ort to be the one to say it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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