“Can it be that I heard my ear aright? Or did you speak of changin’ the unalterable laws of the United States—tampering with the Constitution?” “Yes, that is what I said. Hain’t they never been changed?” He dropped that skairful look and put on a firm judicial one. He see that he could not skair me to death; an’ sez he, “Oh, yes, they’ve been changed in cases of necessity.” Sez I, “For instance durin’ the Oncivil war it wuz changed to make Northern men cheap bloodhounds and hunters.” “Yes,” he said, “it seemed to be a case of necessity and economy.” “I know it,” sez I; “men wuz cheaper than any other breed of bloodhounds the slave-holders could employ to hunt men and wimmen with, and more faithful.” “Yes,” he said, “it wuz a case of clear economy.” And sez I: “The laws have been changed to benefit liquor dealers.” “Well, yes,” he said, “it had been changed to enable whiskey dealers to utilize the surplus liquor they import.” Sez he, gittin’ kinder animated, for he wuz on a congenial and familar theme, “Nobody, the best calculators in drunkards, can exactly calculate how much whiskey will be drunk in a year; and so, ruther than have the whiskey dealers suffer loss, the law had to be changed. And then,” sez he, growin’ still more candid in his excitement, “we are makin’ a powerful effort to change the laws now so as to take the tax off of whiskey, so it can be sold cheaper, and obtained in greater quantities by the masses. Any such great laws would justify a change in the Constitution and the laws; but for any frivolous cause, any trivial cause, madam, we male custodians of the sacred Constitution stand as walls of iron before it, guarding it from any shadow of change. Faithful we will be, faithful unto death.” Sez I, “As it has been changed, it can be agin. And you jest said I had convinced you that Serepta’s errents wuz errents of truth and justice, and you would love to do ’em.” “Well, yes, yes—I would love to—as it were—. But, my dear madam, much as I would like to oblige you, I have not the time to devote to the cause of Right and Justice. I don’t think you realize the constant pressure of hard work that is ageing us and wearing us out, before our day. “As I said, we have to watch the liquor interest constantly to see that the liquor dealers suffer no loss—we have to do that, of course.” And he continued dreamily, as if losin’ sight of me and talkin’ to himself: “The wealthy Corporations and Trusts, we have to condemn them loudly to please the common people, and help ’em secretly to please ourselves, or our richest perkisits are lost. The Canal Ring, the Indian Agency, the Land Grabbers, the political bosses. In fact, we are surrounded by a host of bandits that we have to appease and profit by; oh, how these matters wear into the gray matter of our brains!” “Gray matter!” sez I, with my nose uplifted to its extremest height, “I should call it black matter!”