Domestic fiction; Mothers and sons -- Fiction; Psychological fiction; Widows -- Fiction
All this did not come to her clearly, consecutively, but in a series of
blurred and shifting images. Marriage had meant to her, as it means to
girls brought up in ignorance of life, simply the exquisite prolongation of
wooing. If she had looked beyond, to the vision of wider ties, it was as
a traveller gazes over a land veiled in golden haze, and so far distant
that the imagination delays to explore it. But now through the blur of
sensations one image strangely persisted--the image of Denis’s child. Had
she ever before thought of their having a child? She could not remember.
She was like one who wakens from a long fever: she recalled nothing of
her former self or of her former feelings. She knew only that the vision
persisted--the vision of the child whose mother she was not to be. It was
impossible that she should marry Denis--her inmost soul rejected him ...
but it was just because she was not to be the child’s mother that its
image followed her so pleadingly. For she saw with perfect clearness the
inevitable course of events. Denis would marry some one else--he was one of
the men who are fated to marry, and she needed not his mother’s reminder
that her abandonment of him at an emotional crisis would fling him upon the
first sympathy within reach. He would marry a girl who knew nothing of his
secret--for Kate was intensely aware that he would never again willingly
confess himself--he would marry a girl who trusted him and leaned on him,
as she, Kate Orme--the earlier Kate Orme--had done but two days since! And
with this deception between them their child would be born: born to an
inheritance of secret weakness, a vice of the moral fibre, as it might be
born with some hidden physical taint which would destroy it before the
cause should be detected.... Well, and what of it? Was she to hold herself
responsible? Were not thousands of children born with some such unsuspected
taint?... Ah, but if here was one that she could save? What if she, who had
had so exquisite a vision of wifehood, should reconstruct from its ruins
this vision of protecting maternity--if her love for her lover should be,
not lost, but transformed, enlarged, into this passion of charity for his
race? If she might expiate and redeem his fault by becoming a refuge from
its consequences? Before this strange extension of her love all the old
limitations seemed to fall. Something had cleft the surface of self, and
there welled up the mysterious primal influences, the sacrificial instinct
of her sex, a passion of spiritual motherhood that made her long to fling
herself between the unborn child and its fate....
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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