Domestic fiction; Mothers and sons -- Fiction; Psychological fiction; Widows -- Fiction
Mrs. Peyton, who was a woman of rapid reactions, read the words with a
pang. She was ashamed of the jealous thoughts she had harboured of Darrow,
and of the selfishness which had made her lose sight of his troubles in the
consideration of Dick’s welfare. Even Clemence Verney, whom she secretly
accused of a want of heart, had been struck by Darrow’s ill looks, while
she had had eyes only for her son. Poor Darrow! How cold and self-engrossed
he must have thought her! In the first rush of penitence her impulse was
to drive at once to his lodgings; but the infection of his own shyness
restrained her. Dick’s note gave no details; the illness was evidently
grave, but might not Darrow regard her coming as an intrusion? To repair
her negligence of yesterday by a sudden invasion of his privacy might be
only a greater failure in tact; and after a moment of deliberation she
resolved on sending to ask Dick if he wished her to go to him.
The reply, which came late, was what she had expected. “No, we have all the
help we need. The doctor has sent a good nurse, and is coming again later.
It’s pneumonia, but of course he doesn’t say much yet. Let me have some
beef-juice as soon as the cook can make it.”
The beef-juice ordered and dispatched, she was left to a vigil in
melancholy contrast to that of the previous evening. Then she had been
enclosed in the narrow limits of her maternal interests; now the barriers
of self were broken down, and her personal preoccupations swept away on the
current of a wider sympathy. As she sat there in the radius of lamp-light
which, for so many evenings, had held Dick and herself in a charmed circle
of tenderness, she saw that her love for her boy had come to be merely a
kind of extended egotism. Love had narrowed instead of widening her, had
rebuilt between herself and life the very walls which, years and years
before, she had laid low with bleeding fingers. It was horrible, how she
had come to sacrifice everything to the one passion of ambition for her
boy....
At daylight she sent another messenger, one of her own servants, who
returned without having seen Dick. Mr. Peyton had sent word that there
was no change. He would write later; he wanted nothing. The day wore on
drearily. Once Kate found herself computing the precious hours lost to
Dick’s unfinished task. She blushed at her ineradicable selfishness,
and tried to turn her mind to poor Darrow. But she could not master her
impulses; and now she caught herself indulging the thought that his illness
would at least exclude him from the competition. But no--she remembered
that he had said his work was finished. Come what might, he stood in the
path of her boy’s success. She hated herself for the thought, but it would
not down.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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