Baines, Scattergood (Fictitious character) -- Fiction; New England -- Fiction
SCATTERGOOD BAINES
By
CLARENCE BUDINGTON KELLAND
Author of
"_The High Flyers_," "_The Little Moment of Happiness_,"
"_Sudden Jim_," "_Youth Challenges_," etc.
CONTENTS
CHAP.
I. HE INVADES COLDRIVER
II. SCATTERGOOD KICKS UP THE DUST
III. THE MOUNTAIN COMES TO SCATTERGOOD
IV. HE DEALS IN MATCHMAKING
V. HE MAKES IT ROUND NUMBERS
VI. INSURANCE THAT DID NOT LAPSE
VII. HE BORROWS A GRANDMOTHER
VIII. HE DIPS IN HIS SPOON
IX. HE ADMINISTERS SOOTHING SYRUP
X. HE HELPS WITH THE ROUGH WORK
XI. HE INVESTS IN SALVATION
XII. THE SON THAT WAS DEAD
XIII. HE CRACKS AN OBDURATE NUT
XIV. HE TREATS AN ATTACK OF LIFE
CHAPTER I
HE INVADES COLDRIVER
The entrance of Scattergood Baines into Coldriver Valley, and the manner
of his first taking root in its soil, are legendary. This much is clear
past even disputing in the post office at mail time, or evenings in the
grocery--he walked in, perspiring profusely, for he was very fat.
It is asserted that he walked the full twenty-four miles from the
railroad, subsisting on the country, as it were, and sagged down on the
porch of Locker's grocery just before sundown. It is not implied that he
walked all of the twenty-four miles in that single day. Huge bodies move
deliberately.
He sagged down on Locker's porch, and it is reported the corner of the
porch sagged with him. George Peddie has it from his grandfather, who
was an eyewitness, that Scattergood did not so much as turn his head to
look at the assembled manhood of the vicinity, but with infinite pains
and audible grunts, succeeded in bringing first one foot, then the
other, within reach of his hands, and removed his shoes. Following this
he sighed with a great contentment and twiddled his bare toes openly and
flagrantly in the eyes of all Coldriver. He is said now to have uttered
the first words to fall from his mouth in the town where were to lie his
life's unfoldings and fulfillments. They were significant--in the light
of subsequent activities.
"One of them railroads runnin' up here," said he to the mountain just
across the road from him, "would have spared me close to a dozen
blisters."
Conversation had expired on Scattergood's arrival, and the group on the
porch converted itself into an audience. It was an audience that got its
money's worth. Not for an instant did the attention of a single member
of it stray away from this Godsend come to furnish them with their first
real topic of conversation since Crazy French stole a box of Paris
green, mistaking it for a new sort of pancake flour.
Scattergood arose ponderously and limped out into the middle of the
dusty road. From this vantage point he slowly and conscientiously
studied the village.
"Uh-huh!" he said. "'Twouldn't pay to do all that walkin' just for a
visit. Calc'late I'll have to settle."
He walked directly back to the absorbed group of leading citizens, his
shoes dangling, one in each hand, and addressed them genially.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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