Baines, Scattergood (Fictitious character) -- Fiction; New England -- Fiction
Scattergood was lonely sometimes. In one of his moments of loneliness
it had occurred to him that a great many men had wives, and that wives
were, undoubtedly, a remarkably effective insurance against that
ailment.
"I gather," he said, in the course of a casual conversation with Sam
Kettleman, the grocer, "that wives is sometimes inconvenient and
sometimes tryin' on the temper, but on the whole they're returnin'
income on the investment."
"Some does and some doesn't," said Kettleman, lugubriously.
"Hotel grub," said Scattergood, "gets mighty similar. Roast beef and
roast pork! Roast pork and roast beef! Then cold roast pork and beef for
supper.... And me obliged, by the way I'm built, to pay extry board.
Sundays I always order me two dinners. Seems like a wife 'u'd act as a
benefit there."
"But there's drawbacks," said Sam, "and there's mother-in-laws, and
there's lendin' a dollar to your brother-in-law."
"The thing to do," said Scattergood, "is to pick one without them
impediments. I also figger," he added, wriggling his bare toes, "that a
feller ought to pick one that could lend a dollar to _your_ brother in
case he needed one."
"Hain't none sich to be found," said Sam.
"I calc'late to look," Scattergood replied.
He had already done his looking. The lady of his choice, tradition says,
was older than he, but this is a base libel. She was not older. She had
not yet reached thirty. Scattergood had first encountered her when she
came to his hardware store to buy a plow. On that occasion her excellent
business judgment and her powers of barter had attracted him strongly.
As a matter of fact, he was a bit in doubt if she hadn't the best of him
on the deal.... Her name was Amanda Randle.
Scattergood gave the matter his best thought, then polished the buggy
as aforesaid, and called.
"Howdy, Miss Randle?" said he, tying to her hitching post.
"Howdy, Mr. Baines?"
"I calculated," said he, "that, bein' as it's a hot night, a buggy ride
might sort of cool you off, after a way of speakin'."
Amanda blushed, for the proffer of a buggy ride was not without definite
significance in that region.
"I'll git my shawl and bonnet," she said.
To the casual eye it would have appeared that Scattergood's summer was
devoted wholly to running his hardware store and to paying court to
Mandy Randle.... But this would not have been so. He was making ready
for the winter--and for the spring that came after it. For in the spring
came the drive, and with the coming of the drive Scattergood foresaw the
coming of trouble. He was not a man to dodge trouble that might bring
profit dangling to the fringe of her skirt.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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