Um wantum dogs? I sell um dogs, much good dogs. MRS. EPPINGWELL _(Clapping her hands.)_ Excellent! _(She catches sight of Sitka Charley, who is entering through street door at rear.)_ Quick! _(Helps Capt. Eppingwell on with domino.)_ Now let us return to the ballroom and find Floyd Vanderlip. I'm pretty sure of him. He's in a domino, too. _(They start for exit to left. Sitka Charley, mistaking Capt. Eppingwell for Vanderlip, signals to him a desire to speak with him, but is ignored. Exit Mrs. Eppingwell and Capt. Eppingwell. Sitka Charley stands a moment, puzzled, watching them go, then follows after them. Makes, exit, and a moment later enters with Vanderlip, who is still in domino.)_ VANDERLIP _(Testily.)_ What do you want now? SITKA CHARLEY Me no want. Freda want. VANDERLIP What's she want? SITKA CHARLEY Want you. VANDERLIP I haven't anything to do with her. She can keep on wanting. I'm busy. SITKA CHARLEY Um want you now, right away, quick. VANDERLIP _(Angrily.)_ You go to the devil. And she can go, too, for all I care. _(Enter Dave Harney from left, still reading newspaper, and followed by the dancers.)_ SITKA CHARLEY I tell Freda you say go to devil? VANDERLIP _(Flinging away angrily.)_ Tell her! Tell her! Just as long as you quit bothering me. _(And then, seriously.)_ And when you've told her you'd better go and see everything's in shape. SITKA CHARLEY _(Starting for street door.)_ Dogs, sleds, everything all right. _(Exit Sitka Charley.)_ DAVE HARNEY _(In centre of stage, turning suddenly upon rout at his heels.)_ Well? What d'ye want? _(The rout gathers about him, facing him. There are cries of: "The news! The news!" "What's happening down in God's country?" "Who won the championship?" "How'd the election turn out?" "Was Tammany downed?" "Is it true the United States is fighting Germany?" "Is war really declared?" etc.)_ DAVE HARNEY Got any sugar? _(Groans, cat-calls, and laughter.)_ A Voice The meanest man in the Klondike. DAVE HARNEY So you'd be, dodgast you, if you hadn't no sweetenin' for your coffee and mush. Another Voice Speech! Speech! Voices Speech! Speech! DAVE HARNEY All right, consarn you, I'll speechify. _(Clears his throat.)_ Ladies an' gentlemen--ahem-- _(Stops to clear throat.)_ A VOICE Bring him some water. A glass of water, please, for the speaker. ANOTHER VOICE Get a box for him. _(The firewood is dumped out of the wood-box, which is placed before Dave Harney upside down. He is helped upon it.)_ A VOICE Now he's going to read us all the news. _(Cheers and hand-clapping.)_ DAVE HARNEY _(Folding newspaper and putting it in his pocket.)_ My friend, you've got another guess comin'. I'm goin' to read you the riot act. An' here it is, short an' simple. You've got all the sugar, an' I've got all the noos. Nothin' to it but a dicker. We'll swop. That's what we'll do, we'll swop. _(Cheers.)_