The obsessive fear haunted him to such an extent that he finally
consulted a reputable psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist patiently heard him out and then painstakingly
explained in simple layman language that his early childhood experience
had made an impact on his impressionable, too-vulnerable young mind
all out of proportion to its actual importance. He pointed out that
the mask fear was far more than a physical one. True, the child had
been buffeted by the circus crowd, had been shoved and pushed down
between the seats--painfully and perhaps severely bruised. But the
fear went deeper than that. When the lights in the circus tent went
out, the child had been holding tight to his father's hand. The father
represented security, comfort, protection, home. Suddenly the child was
hurled into milling blackness and then out of the darkness appeared a
hideous leering face which bore down on him with apparent evil intent.
So--the psychiatrist explained--in Mr. Apondee's subconscious mind
the mask--or any mask--had come to symbolize the loss of security,
of stability and protection. It symbolized all of the inherited and
acquired fears which lurked in Mr. Apondee's own psychic depths.
Mr. Apondee listened and he was impressed. He felt better. He believed
that he now thoroughly understood the origin of the mask terror, and in
understanding, he judged, was exorcism.
But this was only partially true. Although the explanation tended to
alleviate Mr. Apondee's mask fear, it by no means entirely dispelled
the fixation. The fear remained, buried deep in Mr. Apondee's psychic
being, and even though it no longer flickered into furious life at the
smallest draft of provocation, still it went on smouldering.
In his early thirties Mr. Apondee got married, and if his marriage
had its occasional "ups and downs", it was probably no better and no
worse than the average. All considered, it might be termed reasonably
successful.
Probably Mr. Apondee believed it far more successful than did his
spouse. Mrs. Apondee was frequently exasperated by her husband's lack
of enterprise, by his timidity and by his tendency to accept rather
than alter his lot.
But after the first few years she seldom complained. It did no good,
and in any case Mr. Apondee had plenty of laudable qualities. Although
his job was a modest one, he worked steadily at it. He didn't drink,
nor stay out at night, nor grumble about the meals.
Mr. Apondee himself was quite satisfied with his circumstances. He had
a faithful wife, a small but neat apartment home and a job which was
probably his as long as he wanted it, providing he was willing to
forego any prospect of raises within the foreseeable future. All in
all, he felt that he possessed a measure of security.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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