Scribner's Magazine, Volume 26, August 1899Various
General
Scribner's Magazine, Volume 26, August 1899
Various
American periodicals
"There's a bench in St. James's Park," he said, "where we used to sit
when she first came here, when she didn't know so many people. We used
to go there in the morning and throw penny buns to the ducks. That's
been my amusement this summer since you've all been away—sitting on
that bench, feeding penny buns to the silly ducks—especially the black
one, the one she used to like best. And I make pilgrimages to all the
other places we ever visited together, and try to pretend she is with
me. And I support the crossing-sweeper at Lansdowne Passage because she
once said she felt sorry for him. I do all the other absurd things that
a man in love tortures himself by doing. But to what end? She knows how
I care, and yet she won't see why we can't go on being friends as we
once were. What's the use of it all?"
"She is young, I tell you," repeated Miss Cavendish, "and she's too sure
of you. You've told her you care, now try making her think you don't
care."
Carroll shook his head impatiently.
"I will not stoop to such tricks and pretence, Marion," he cried,
impatiently. "All I have is my love for her; if I have to cheat and to
trap her into caring, the whole thing would be degraded."
Miss Cavendish shrugged her shoulders and walked to the door. "Such
amateurs!" she exclaimed, and banged the door after her.
Carroll never quite knew how he had come to make a confidante of Miss
Cavendish. Helen and he had met her when they first arrived in London,
and as she had acted for a season in the United States, she adopted
the two Americans—and told Helen where to go for boots and hats, and
advised Carroll about placing his plays. Helen soon made other friends,
and deserted the artists, with whom her work had first thrown her. She
seemed to prefer the society of the people who bought her paintings, and
who admired and made much of the painter. As she was very beautiful and
at an age when she enjoyed everything in life keenly and eagerly, to give
her pleasure was in itself a distinct pleasure; and the worldly tired
people she met were considering their own entertainment quite as much
as hers when they asked her to their dinners and dances, or to spend a
week with them in the country. In her way, she was as independent as was
Carroll in his, and as she was not in love, as he was, her life was not
narrowed down to but one ideal. But she was not so young as to consider
herself infallible, and she had one excellent friend on whom she was
dependent for advice and to whose directions she submitted implicitly.
This was Lady Gower, the only person to whom Helen had spoken of Carroll
and of his great feeling for her. Lady Gower, immediately after her
marriage, had been a conspicuous and brilliant figure in that set in
London which works eighteen hours a day to keep itself amused, but
after the death of her husband she had disappeared into the country as
completely as though she had entered a convent, and after several years
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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