Scribner's Magazine, Volume 26, August 1899Various
General
Scribner's Magazine, Volume 26, August 1899
Various
American periodicals
So for several hours she drove slowly up and down, sunk far back in
the cushions of the cab, and staring, with unseeing eyes, at the white
enamelled tariff and the black dash-board.
She assured herself that she was not jealous of Marion, because, in order
to be jealous, she first would have to care for Philip in the very way
she could not bring herself to do.
She decided that his interest in Marion hurt her, because it showed that
Philip was not capable of remaining true to the one ideal of his life.
She was sure that this explained her feelings—she was disappointed that
he had not kept up to his own standard; that he was weak enough to turn
aside from it for the first pretty pair of eyes. But she was too honest
and too just to accept that diagnosis of her feelings as final—she knew
there had been many pairs of eyes in America and in London, and that
though Philip had seen them, he had not answered them when they spoke.
No, she confessed frankly, she was hurt with herself for neglecting her
old friend so selfishly and for so long a time; his love gave him claims
on her consideration, at least, and she had forgotten that and him, and
had run after strange gods and allowed others to come in and take her
place, and to give him the sympathy and help which she should have been
the first to offer, and which would have counted more when coming from
her than from anyone else. She determined to make amends at once for her
thoughtlessness and selfishness, and her brain was pleasantly occupied
with plans and acts of kindness. It was a new entertainment, and she
found she delighted in it. She directed the cabman to go to Solomons's,
and from there sent Philip a bunch of flowers and a line saying that on
the following day she was coming to take tea with him. She had a guilty
feeling that he might consider her friendly advances more seriously than
she meant them, but it was her pleasure to be reckless: her feelings
were running riotously, and the sensation was so new that she refused
to be circumspect or to consider consequences. Who could tell, she asked
herself with a quick, frightened gasp, but that, after all, it might be
that she was learning to care? From Solomons's she bade the man drive to
the shop in Cranbourne Street where she was accustomed to purchase the
materials she used in painting, and Fate, which uses strange agents to
work out its ends, so directed it that the cabman stopped a few doors
below this shop, and opposite one where jewelry and other personal effects
were bought and sold. At any other time, or had she been in any other
mood, what followed might not have occurred, but Fate, in the person
of the cabman, arranged it so that the hour and the opportunity came
together.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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