Scribner's Magazine, Volume 26, August 1899Various
General
Scribner's Magazine, Volume 26, August 1899
Various
American periodicals
A new régime had begun, and he was determined to establish it firmly and
to make it impossible for himself to retreat from it; and in the note
in which he thanked Helen for the flowers and welcomed her to tea, he
declared his ultimatum.
"You know how terribly I feel," he wrote; "I don't have to tell you
that, but I cannot always go on dragging out my love and holding it up
to excite your pity as beggars show their sores. I cannot always go on
praying before your altar, cutting myself with knives and calling upon
you to listen to me. You know that there is no one else but you, and that
there never can be anyone but you, and that nothing is changed except
that after this I am not going to urge and torment you. I shall wait as
I have always waited—only now I shall wait in silence. You know just
how little, in one way, I have to offer you, and you know just how much
I have in love to offer you. It is now for you to speak—some day, or
never. But you will have to speak first. You will never hear a word of
love from me again. Why should you? You know it is always waiting for
you. But if you should ever want it, you must come to me, and take off
your hat and put it on my table and say, 'Philip, I have come to stay.'
Whether you can ever do that or not can make no difference in my love for
you. I shall love you always, as no man has ever loved a woman in this
world, but it is you who must speak first; for me, the rest is silence."
The following morning as Helen was leaving the house she found this
letter lying on the hall-table, and ran back with it to her rooms. A
week before she would have let it lie on the table and read it on her
return. She was conscious that this was what she would have done, and it
pleased her to find that what concerned Philip was now to her the thing
of greatest interest. She was pleased with her own eagerness—her own
happiness was a welcome sign, and she was proud and glad that she was
learning to care.
She read the letter with an anxious pride and pleasure in each word that
was entirely new. Philip's recriminations did not hurt her, they were the
sign that he cared; nor did his determination not to speak of his love
to her hurt her, for she believed him when he said that he would always
care. She read the letter twice, and then sat for some time considering
the kind of letter Philip would have written had he known her secret—had
he known that the ring he had abandoned was now upon her finger.
She rose and, crossing to a desk, placed the letter in a drawer, and
then took it out again and re-read the last page. When she had finished
it she was smiling. For a moment she stood irresolute and then, moving
slowly toward the centre-table, cast a guilty look about her and, raising
her hands, lifted her veil and half withdrew the pins that fastened her
hat.
"Philip," she began in a frightened whisper, "I have—I have come to——."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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