If Nature gives men appetites For things that won't digest, Why, let _them_ eat whatso delights, And let _her_ stand the rest; And though the sin involve the cost Of Carlsbad, like as not 'Tis better to have loved and lost,-- Ach, Gott! mein lieber Gott! Beyond the vast, the billowy tide, Where my compatriots dwell, All kinds of victuals have I tried, All kinds of drinks, as well; But nothing known to Yankee art Appears to reach _the spot_ Like this Teutonic onion tart,-- Ach, Gott! mein lieber Gott! So, though I quaff of Carlsbad's tide As full as I can hold, And for complete reform inside Plank down my horde of gold, Remorse shall not consume my heart, Nor sorrow vex my lot, For I have eaten onion tart,-- Ach, Gott! mein lieber Gott! GRANDMA'S BOMBAZINE. IT'S everywhere that women fair invite and please my eye, And that on dress I lay much stress I can't and sha'n't deny: The English dame who's all aflame with divers colors bright, The Teuton belle, the ma'moiselle,--all give me keen delight; And yet I'll say, go where I may, I never yet have seen A dress that's quite as grand a sight as was that bombazine. Now, you must know 'twas years ago this quaint but noble gown Flashed in one day, the usual way, upon our solemn town. 'Twas Fisk who sold for sordid gold that gravely scrumptious thing,-- Jim Fisk, the man who drove a span that would have joyed a king,-- And grandma's eye fell with a sigh upon that sombre sheen, And grandpa's purse looked much the worse for grandma's bombazine. Though ten years old, I never told the neighbors of the gown; For grandma said, "This secret, Ned, must not be breathed in town." The sitting-room for days of gloom was in a dreadful mess When that quaint dame, Miss Kelsey, came to make the wondrous dress: To fit and baste and stitch a waist, with whale-bones in between, Is precious slow, as all folks know who've made a bombazine. With fortitude dear grandma stood the trial to the end (The nerve we find in womankind I cannot comprehend!); And when 'twas done resolved that none should guess at the surprise, Within the press she hid that dress, secure from prying eyes; For grandma knew a thing or two,--by which remark I mean That Sundays were the days for her to wear that bombazine. I need not state she got there late; and, sailing up the aisle With regal grace, on grandma's face reposed a conscious smile. It fitted so, above, below, and hung so well all round, That there was not one faulty spot a critic could have found. How proud I was of her, because she looked so like a queen! And that was why, perhaps, that I admired the bombazine.