Some like the sirloin, but I think the porterhouse is best,-- 'Tis juicier and tenderer and meatier than the rest; Put on this roast a dash of salt, and then of water pour Into the sizzling dripping-pan a cupful, and no more; The oven being hot, the roast will cook in half an hour; Then to the juices in the pan you add a little flour, And so you get a gravy that is called the cap sheaf Of that glorious _summum bonum_, rare roast beef. Served on a platter that is hot, and carved with thin, keen knife, How does this savory viand enhance the worth of life! Give me no thin and shadowy slice, but a thick and steaming slab,-- Who would not choose a generous hunk to a bloodless little dab? Upon a nice hot plate how does the juicy morceau steam, A symphony in scarlet or a red incarnate dream! Take from me eyes and ears and all, O Time, thou ruthless thief! Except these teeth wherewith to deal with rare roast beef. Most every kind and rôle of modern victuals have I tried, Including roasted, fricasseed, broiled, toasted, stewed, and fried, Your canvasbacks and papa-bottes and muttonchops subese, Your patties _à la_ Turkey and your doughnuts _à la_ grease; I've whirled away dyspeptic hours with crabs in marble halls, And in the lowly cottage I've experienced codfish balls; But I've never found a viand that could so allay all grief And soothe the cockles of the heart as rare roast beef. I honor that sagacious king who, in a grateful mood, Knighted the savory loin that on the royal table stood; And as for me I'd ask no better friend than this good roast, Which is my squeamish stomach's fortress (_feste Burg_) and host; For with this ally with me I can mock Dyspepsy's wrath, Can I pursue the joy of Wisdom's pleasant, peaceful path. So I do off my vest and let my waistband out a reef When I soever set me down to rare roast beef. GANDERFEATHER'S GIFT. I WAS just a little thing When a fairy came and kissed me; Floating in upon the light Of a haunted summer night, Lo! the fairies came to sing Pretty slumber songs, and bring Certain boons that else had missed me. From a dream I turned to see What those strangers brought for me, When that fairy up and kissed me,-- Here, upon this cheek, he kissed me! Simmerdew was there, but she Did not like me altogether; Daisybright and Turtledove, Pilfercurds and Honeylove, Thistleblow and Amberglee On that gleaming, ghostly sea Floated from the misty heather, And around my trundle-bed Frisked and looked and whispering said, Solemn-like and all together: "_You_ shall kiss him, Ganderfeather!"