PIM. I blame myself, I blame myself entirely.
OLIVIA. Oh, you mustn't do that, Mr. Pim. It was really Dinah's fault
for inflicting all our family history on you.
PIM. Oh, but a charming young woman. I assure you I was very
much interested in all that she told me. (Getting up) Well,
Mrs.--er--Marden, I can only hope that you will forgive me for the
needless distress I have caused you to-day.
OLIVIA. Oh, you mustn't worry about that--please.
PIM. And you will tell your husband--you will break the news to him?
OLIVIA (smiling to herself). I will--break the news to him.
PIM. You understand how it is that I thought it better to come to you
in the first place?
OLIVIA. I am very glad you did.
PIM (holding out his hand). Then I will say good-bye, and--er--
OLIVIA. Just a moment, Mr. Pim. Let us have it quite clear this time.
You never knew my husband, Jacob Telworthy, you never met him in
Australia, you never saw him on the boat, and nothing whatever
happened to him at Marseilles. Is that right?
PIM. Yes, yes, that is so.
OLIVIA. So that, since he was supposed to have died in Australia six
years ago, he is presumably still dead?
PIM. Yes, yes, undoubtedly.
OLIVIA (holding out her hand with a charming smile). Then good-bye,
Mr. Pim, and thank you so much for--for all your trouble.
PIM. Not at all, Mrs. Marden. I can only assure you I--
DINAH (from the window). Hullo, here's Mr. Pim! (She comes in,
followed by BRIAN.)
PIM (anxiously looking at the door in case MR. MARDEN should come in).
Yes, yes, I--er--
DINAH. Oh, Mr. Pim, you mustn't run away without even saying how do
you do! Such old friends as we are. Why, it is ages since I saw you!
Are you staying to tea?
PIM. I'm afraid I--
OLIVIA. Mr. Pim has to hurry away, Dinah. You mustn't keep him.
DINAH. Well, but you'll come back again?
PIM. I fear that I am only a passer-by, Miss--er--Dinah.
OLIVIA. You can walk with him to the gate, dear.
PIM (gratefully to OLIVIA). Thank you. (He edges towards the window)
If you would be so kind, Miss Dinah--
BRIAN. I'll catch you up.
DINAH. Come along then, Mr. Pim. (As they go out) I want to hear all
about your _first_ wife. You haven't really told me anything yet.
(OLIVIA resumes her work, and BRIAN sits on the back of the sofa
looking at her.)
BRIAN (awkwardly). I just wanted to say, if you don't think it cheek,
that I'm--I'm on your side, if I may be, and if I can help you at all
I should be very proud of being allowed to.
OLIVIA (looking up at him). Brian, you dear. That's sweet of you . . .
But it's quite all right now, you know.
BRIAN. Oh, I'm so glad.
OLIVIA. Yes, that's what Mr. Pim came back to say. He'd made a mistake
about the name. (Smiling) George is the only husband I have.
BRIAN (surprised). What? You mean that the whole thing--that
Pim--(With conviction) Silly ass!
OLIVIA (kindly). Oh, well, he didn't mean to be. (After a pause)
Brian, do you know anything about the Law?
BRIAN. I'm afraid not. I hate the Law. Why?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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