Do not, however, suppose for an instant that my affection for you would
decay were I at liberty to enjoy your society as I wish; on the
contrary, I am persuaded that every hour I should pass with you would
add something to my improvement, and render us more valuable to each
other. My expression arose from my being at that moment in idea a
partner of your seclusion, and feeling that I should want in the same
situation that energy and activity which is the support of your
solitude. I am fond of society; and, indeed, I find myself most excited
when I have most opportunities of observing the various characters and
pursuits of those around me. Gladly would I possess the power of
selecting my society. From that happy privilege I am debarred. But I
seldom make one of a circle in which I do not find some novelty of
character, and something either of excellence or absurdity from which I
may draw improvement.
Yet, a two month's visit at the villa of Sir Thomas Barlowe is rather a
hard trial of my patience; and, unless we are enlivened by new visitors,
I fear the company here will afford me but a trifling harvest of
observation. I shall soon be glad to turn from them to my own resources;
and fly, even oftener than I now do, to the ever vivifying remembrance
of my Sibella.
Sir Thomas Barlowe has risen from some very obscure station to the
wealth and dignity of a nabob. He has risen too, I greatly fear, by the
same depredating practices which the unfortunate natives of India seem
destined constantly to suffer from those who perfidiously call
themselves the protectors of the country. Sir Thomas Barlowe's riches
have become his punishment. Each morning, his fears awaken with his
faculties, lest that day should bring tidings of the dreaded scrutiny;
and, when evening arrives, and he struggles to yield himself to mirth
and wine amidst the circle he has assiduously gathered round him, a
word, a look, or the most remote hint or allusion gives his watchful
terrors an alarm. A sudden turn of his head, perchance, discovers his
shadow on the wall. Legions of threatening phantoms then crowd upon his
apprehension; and the evening, yet more miserable than the day,
concludes with an opiate, administered to lull the feeble body into
lethargy, and hush the perturbed conscience into silence.
And my mother can look on this existing fact with indifference, while I
shudder. Those enormous sums of wealth she lavishes away, that cluster
of pearls she triumphantly places in her hair, those diamonds heaped
into different ornaments, how were they obtained? Thousands
perhaps----Oh, Sibella! I have laid aside my ornaments! A dress plain as
your's supersedes them.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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