'Miss,' she said, 'I might as well have told the truth at once, for out
it must. Nancy is not sick in body, Miss; and if I can help it, she
shan't be sick in mind. Your papa is a great rich man, and you will be a
great rich lady. You, Miss, who are so high born and so rich, need not
care if people do hate you; but my Nancy is a poor child, and will never
have a penny that an't of her own earning--she never used to fleer, and
flout, and stamp at her little brothers and sisters, as she does since
she came to your house, Miss. And so, Miss, as she will never be able to
pay folks for saying she is good when she is bad, I, who am her mother,
must make her as good as I can. You may be good enough for a great lady;
but Nancy will never be a great lady; and, be as angry as you will,
Miss, indeed she can't come to your fine house any more.'
Yes, Sibella; she persisted, in defiance of my resentment and its
probable consequences, the worthy woman persisted in preserving her
child from the infectious example of my vices. Her lesson had awakened
in my mind a true sense of my situation; nor could anger or disdain once
force me from the painful conviction that people were hired and paid to
lavish on me their insincere encomiums. All the instances of attention
or kindness I could recollect I believed had been mine only because I
was rich and powerful. I imagined I saw lurking hatred and loathing in
every eye; and, though I ceased to command, I resented with an acrimony
almost past description every effort that was directed towards
increasing my pleasures or convenience. These ebulitions of a wounded
vanity insensibly wore away, while I considered how much of amendment
and happiness was yet in my power; and, at length, I began seriously to
remedy the defects which had made me unworthy to be the companion of
Nancy; but, ere I had courage to demand again the society of my little
friend, her parents had removed to a distant part of the country, and in
this instance frustrated the end of my labours. Yet the labour itself
had become delightful, and was amply rewarded by the satisfaction
betrayed in the eyes of my numerous attendants; but who, however, as I
was a great lady and a rich lady, durst not openly rejoice in my
amendment. I longed to hear them burst into praises. I almost sickened
for the accents of well-earned commendation; but shame of my former
unworthiness, and perhaps a remaining degree of pride, withheld me from
encouraging such an explanation: and they continued silently to receive
the benefits of my reformation.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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