Just as we turned a corner aw saw a sign up 'Cafe' du nord,' an' on th' winder wor painted i' big yollo letters, English spoken, this is th' shop for us, aw says, if thers raam, soa aw went in an' Billy follered an' a young woman at seemed as if shoo'd been dipped i' bacca-watter an' dried in a hurry, coom to meet us--"Gooid mornin, Mistress," aw sed. "Commyvoo portyvoo," shoo sed. "Aw dooant parleyvoo, awm throo Yorksher; cannot yo spaik plain English?" "Jenny compronpa." "Aw can mak' nowt o' this lot, Billy, if that's th' sooart o' English they tawk here awst nivver be able to understand it." "Come on an' lets leeav her, shoo's nooan reight in her heead! aw dooant believe shoo knows what shoo's sayin. "Shoo'll happen understand better if awm moor perlite--Have, you,--a--bedroom?" "Betroooom! Ha! wee! Chamberacostrah? wee, wee!" "Nay awm nooan one o' that sooart aw want one to misen." "Jenny compronpa." "Jenny's noa need to come for if shoo's noa hansomer nor thee aw wod'nt touch her wi' th' tangs!" We wor just gooin aght when up comes a tallo faced chap at lukt as if th' smell ov a cookshop wod'nt hurt him, so aw thowt awd have another try--French this time,--"Parleyvoo English mouse ear." "Hi," he sed, "what is it tha wants?" "E'e! gow! lad! but awm fain to see thi. Are ta th' maister?" "Hi, aw wish aw wornt; yo could'nt mak' my wife understand yo aw reckon?" "Is that her? well, ther's noa accaantin for taste--for aw should'nt care for livin' i' this country at all if aw wor yo," aw sed, for awd ommost made a mess on it, "can we have two beds for a few neets an' a bit o' summat to ait if we want it?" "Can we get summat to sup?" sed Billy, "awm ommost dried up." "Caffy-o-lay? Bordoo? Bass's bottled ale, or owt yo like." "Caffyolaybordoo be hanged! let's ha some ale," sed Billy, an' he sooin browt two bottles, an' when he'd filled a glass Billy tuk it but he nobbut just tasted on it an' put it daan agean. "Is ther summat matter wi it?" sed th' maister. "Nay, aw dooant know at ther is,--it nobbut wants a bit o' ginger an' sewgar an' a pinch o' nutmug an' it'll mak' varry nice spiced drink. Do yo allussell it warm like that?" "Yo connat help it gettin warm in a country like this unless yo keep it i' ice an' aw neer bother for ther's nubdy grummels, for they dooant know th' difference--Its a hot shop is this aw can tell yo, an' yo'll be luckier nor th' mooast if yo dooant find summat a deeal warmer nor that befoor yo've been long." "Well, but tha'rt an' Englishman an' owt to ha moor sense--why, when awm brewin aw let it keel below that befoor aw set on." "Tha says reight when tha says awm an' Englishman, at onnyrate awm a Brummagem when awm at hooam, an' aw hooap it weant be long befoor awm back. But what are we to get for yor braikfast?" We ordered some coffee an' eggs an' a beefsteak an' wol we wor gettin it, aw ax'd him ha it wor he seem'd soa dissatisfied wi th' place?