"I tell you I would. Do you remember when Nathaniel died? I felt bad
enough, but do you know the week before when he was so very sick, I
went out one day to a beautiful glen we used to visit together. They had
been improving it! they had improved it so much that the water is all
dying out of the creek; the little boats that used to float like pond
lilies lie all helpless in the mud, and hardly a ribbon of water goes
over the fall, and the old giant trees are withering. Oh, it hurt me so
to think the glory of a thousand years was vanishing before my eyes and
I couldn't hold it. And suddenly the question came into my head: 'If you
had the power would you save Nathaniel's life or bring back the water to
the glen?' And I didn't hesitate a minute. I said, 'Let Nathaniel die
and all my best loved ones and I myself, but bring back the glory of the
glen!"
"When I think," she went on turning away and becoming dreamy again, "of
all the beauty that is gone that I can never see, that is lost
forever--the beauty that had to alter and die,--it stifles me with the
pain of it. Why must it all die?"
He looked at her wonderingly. "It seems to me," he said slowly, "that
beauty worship is almost a disease with you. I wouldn't like to care so
much for mere outsides."
"We never long for the thing we are rich in," she answered in a dry,
changed voice. Nevertheless his face lighted, it was pleasant to be rich
in the thing she worshiped. He had gradually drawn near her feet and now
suddenly bent forward and kissed them passionately. "Don't," she cried
sharply, "it's too much like self-abasement. And besides--"
His face was white and quivering, his voice choked. "Well--what
besides--"
"The time will come when you will wish you had reserved that kiss for
some other foot. Some one to whom it will all be new, who will shudder
with the joy of it, who will meet you half way, who will believe all
that you say, and say like things in fullness of heart. And I perhaps
will see you, and know that in your heart you are sorry you gave
something to me that you would have ungiven if you could."
He buried his face in his hands. "You do not love me at all," he said.
"You do not believe me."
A curious softness came into the answer: "Oh, yes, dear, I believe you.
Years ago I believed myself when I said the same sort of thing. But I
told you I am getting old. I can not unmake what the years have made,
nor bring back what they have stolen. I love you _for your face_", the
words had a sting in them, "and for your soul too. And I am glad to be
loved by you. But, do you know what I am thinking?"
He did not answer.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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