Self-Raised; Or, From the DepthsSouthworth, Emma Dorothy Eliza Nevitte
General
Self-Raised; Or, From the Depths
Southworth, Emma Dorothy Eliza Nevitte
Fiction
"No, indeed, I do not; breaking up and parting is always a painful
process." And Bee's lips quivered and the tears came into her eyes.
Ishmael pressed the little hand that lay light as a snowflake on his
arm, drew it closer within his embrace, and turned down the narrow
path that led to the remote arbor situated far down in the angle of
the wall in the bottom of the garden.
He led her to a seat, placed himself beside her, took her hand, and
said:
"It is here, dearest Bee--here in the scene of my humiliation and of
my redemption--that I would say to you all I have to say; that I
would lay my heart open before you, and place it at your feet, for
spurning, or for blessing."
She looked up at him with surprise, but also with infinite affection
in her innocent and beautiful eyes. Then, as she read the truth in
his earnest gaze, her eyes fell, and her color rose.
"And dearest Bee, I have your father's sanction for what I do, for
without it I would not act."
Her eyes were still fixed upon the ground, but her hand that he
clasped in his throbbed like a heart. And oh! he felt how entirely
she loved him; and he felt that he could devote his whole life to
her.
"Dearest of all dear ones, Bee, listen to me. Not many days have
passed, since, one evening, you came to this arbor, seeking one that
was lost and found--me!"
She began to tremble.
"You know how you found me, Bee," he said sadly and solemnly.
"Oh, Ishmael, dear!" she cried, with an accent of sharp pain, "do
not speak of that evening! forget it and let me forget it! it is
past!"
"Dearest girl, only this once will I pain you by alluding to that
sorrowful and degrading hour. You found me--I will not shrink from
uttering the word, though it will scorch my lips to speak it and
burn your ears to hear it--you found me--intoxicated."
"Oh, Ishmael, dear, you were not to blame! it was not your fault! it
was an accident--a misfortune!" she exclaimed, as blushes burned
upon her cheeks and tears suffused her eyes.
"How much I blamed, how much I loathed myself, dearest Bee, you can
never know! Let that pass. You found me as I said. Actually and
bodily I was lying on this bench, sleeping the stupid sleep of
intoxication; but morally and spiritually I was slipping over the
brink of an awful chasm. Bee, dearest Bee! dearest saving angel! it
was this little hand of yours that drew me back, so softly that I
scarcely knew I had been in danger of ruin until that danger was
past. And, Bee, since that day many days of storm have passed, but
the face of my saving angel has ever looked out from among the
darkest clouds a bright rainbow of promise. I did not perish in the
storm, because her sweet face ever looked down upon me!"
Bee did not attempt to reply; she could not; she sat with her
flushed and tearful eyes bent upon the ground.
"Love, do you know this token?" he inquired, in a voice shaking with
agitation, as he drew from his bosom a little wisp of white cambric
and laid it in her lap.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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