‘We shall not be here. No,’ he droned, ‘but the Museum will still be
just where it is. And the reading-room, just where it is. And people
will be able to go and read there.’ He inhaled sharply, and a spasm as
of actual pain contorted his features.
I wondered what train of thought poor Soames had been following. He did
not enlighten me when he said, after a long pause, ‘You think I haven’t
minded.’
‘Minded what, Soames?’
‘Neglect. Failure.’
‘FAILURE?’ I said heartily. ‘Failure?’ I repeated vaguely.
‘Neglect--yes, perhaps; but that’s quite another matter. Of course you
haven’t been--appreciated. But what then? Any artist who--who gives--’
What I wanted to say was, ‘Any artist who gives truly new and great
things to the world has always to wait long for recognition’; but the
flattery would not out: in the face of his misery, a misery so genuine
and so unmasked, my lips would not say the words.
And then--he said them for me. I flushed. ‘That’s what you were going to
say, isn’t it?’ he asked.
‘How did you know?’
‘It’s what you said to me three years ago, when “Fungoids” was
published.’ I flushed the more. I need not have done so at all, for
‘It’s the only important thing I ever heard you say,’ he continued.
‘And I’ve never forgotten it. It’s a true thing. It’s a horrible truth.
But--d’you remember what I answered? I said “I don’t care a sou for
recognition.” And you believed me. You’ve gone on believing I’m above
that sort of thing. You’re shallow. What should YOU know of the feelings
of a man like me? You imagine that a great artist’s faith in himself and
in the verdict of posterity is enough to keep him happy.... You’ve never
guessed at the bitterness and loneliness, the’--his voice broke; but
presently he resumed, speaking with a force that I had never known in
him. ‘Posterity! What use is it to ME? A dead man doesn’t know that
people are visiting his grave--visiting his birthplace--putting up
tablets to him--unveiling statues of him. A dead man can’t read the
books that are written about him. A hundred years hence! Think of it!
If I could come back to life then--just for a few hours--and go to the
reading-room, and READ! Or better still: if I could be projected, now,
at this moment, into that future, into that reading-room, just for this
one afternoon! I’d sell myself body and soul to the devil, for
that! Think of the pages and pages in the catalogue: “SOAMES,
ENOCH” endlessly--endless editions, commentaries, prolegomena,
biographies’--but here he was interrupted by a sudden loud creak of the
chair at the next table. Our neighbour had half risen from his place. He
was leaning towards us, apologetically intrusive.
‘Excuse--permit me,’ he said softly. ‘I have been unable not to hear.
Might I take a liberty? In this little restaurant-sans-facon’--he spread
wide his hands--‘might I, as the phrase is, “cut in”?’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account