That promise, or agreement, can mean but one thing, and that is that you will pay the bearer five times one dollar, or five times twenty-five and eight-tenths grains of gold, nine-tenths fine. Now, it must be perfectly clear to you, indeed, the conclusion is incontrovertible, that that $5.00 United States Note, by which you agree to pay me $5.00 cash, can't be the $5.00 itself. MR. FARMER: No, by jocks, I know that is true. Tom Jones gave me a written agreement to deliver me a horse last Monday morning. I sent my boy over with his written promise for the horse, and he refused to deliver the horse. Certainly, his promise was not the horse; that's perfectly clear to me, for I did not get the horse, and that's the same kind of a deal that this United States Note is. MR. LABORINGMAN: Yes, but Uncle Sam is no such flunker as that. MR. BANKER: Well, he flunked from 1862 until 1879, for about seventeen years, and he came within an ace of flunking again in 1894. He is liable to flunk any time it suits him, if he should get into a tight place. UNCLE SAM: That's so, and the misfortune and the shame of it is, that I am left in a position where I am compelled to flunk. MR. BANKER: I agree with you, but that only adds additional proof that this $5.00 bill, which is your promissory note, your I.O.U., or old due bill, given for boots, mules and ammunition during the war, is not money at all, but a mere promise to pay money. As you have just said, it is most unfortunate that you have been left in this position by your boys who have been going to Congress for the past fifty years, apparently without the intelligence, or courage, to relieve you of this disgraceful situation. UNCLE SAM: Well, if these United States Notes are nothing but my promissory notes, or due bills, agreeing to pay money, it is self-evident that they are not money. You have completely satisfied me on that point. Mr. Banker, how much of that kind of stuff have I got out? MR. BANKER: $346,000,000. UNCLE SAM: Great Scott, I presume if I should get into trouble with some first-class nation, and have to go to war for a few years, and the people began to wonder whether I was going to pull through and pay my debts, that is to doubt my ability to stand the bill, and all that $346,000,000, then that $5.00 United States Note would not pass for $5.00. MR. BANKER: Precisely so; that very note passed for only $1.75 at one time in 1864, or only 35 cents on the dollar. UNCLE SAM: Well, I wish Congress would get busy and pay these things off, so that I would be prepared for business, if anything should turn up compelling me to fight.