also, and, wrech as thou art, pyke the out of my howse, for I wyll none of thy gyft how * * * * Skelton, than consyderynge that the bysshoppe called hym fole so ofte, sayd to one of hys famylyers therby that, thoughe it were euyll to be christened a fole, yet it was moche worse to be confyrmed a fole of suche a bysshoppe: for the name of confyrmacyon must nedes abyde. Therfore he ymagened howe he myghte auoyde that confyrmacyon, and mused a whyle; and at the laste sayde to the bysshope thus: if your lordeshype knewe the names of these fesantes ye wold _be_ contente to take them. Why, caytese, quod the bisshoppe hastly and angrey, _what_ be theyr names? Y wys, my lorde, quod Skelton, this fesante is called Alpha, which is in primys--the fyrst; and this is called O, that is novissimus, the last; and for the more playne vnderstandynge of my mynde, if it plese your lordeshype to take them, I promyse you this alpha is the fyrste that euer I gaue you, and this O is the laste that euer I wyll gyue you whyle I lyue. At which answere all that were by made great laughter, and they all _desired the Bishoppe_ to be good lorde vnto him for his merye conceytes, at which _earnest entrety, as it_ wente, the bysshope was contente to take hym vnto his fauer agayne. By thys tale ye may se, that mery conceytes dothe _a man more_ good than to frete hymselfe with _anger_ and melancholy. FOOTNOTES: [76] orig. reads _ever_. [77] The celebrated poet. The bishop was of course Bishop Nykke, Nikke, or Nyx, as the name is variously spelled. He held the see from 1501 to 1536. + _Of the yeman of garde that sayd he wolde bete the carter._ xli. + A yoman of the kynges garde, dwellynge in a vyllage besyde London, had a very fayre yonge wife. To whome a carter of the towne, _a mery_ fellowe, resorted and laye with her dyuers tymes, whan her husbande was on garde; and thys was so openly knowen that all the towne spake therof. _A certaine yonge_ man of the towne well acquoyntyd with thys yeman _told him_ that suche a carter hadde layne by his wyfe. To whome _this yeman of the garde_ sware by Goddes body, if he mette with hym it _should go harde but he wolde bete him well._ _Hey_, quod the yonge man, if ye go streyght euen nowe the _right way_, ye _shall_ ouertake him dryuyng a carte laden with haye towarde London; wherfore the yeman of the garde incontynent rode after this carter, and within shorte space overtoke him and knewe him well ynoughe, and incontynent called the carter to him and sayd thus: Syrra, I vnderstande that thou doste lye euery nyght with my wyfe, whan I am from home. Thys carter beynge no thynge afrayde of hym answered, ye, marry, what than? What than, quod the yeman of garde! By Goddys harte! hadst thou nat tolde me truth, I wolde haue broke thy hede. And so the yeman of garde retourned, and no hurte done, no stroke stryken nor proferyed. By this ye may se, that the greatyst crakers somtyme, whan it commeth to the profe, be moste cowardes.