He felt so relieved because of her calmness that he pressed her hand
warmly. What a sensible woman she was, after all! No hysterics, no
heartrending reproaches; she said farewell with a smile! He wanted to
brace her still more and talked on in order to divert her mind; he
mentioned his work and plans; he would surely send her his next book; she
would find him again in that. And, really, she ought to get busy on that
novel.... To show her that their friendship was still unbroken he even
asked her to speak to Gregersen about that review of his book. It was most
extraordinary that his verses had attracted so little attention. If she
would only do him this favour. He himself would never be able to approach
Gregersen; he was too proud; he could never stoop to that....
She went over to the mirror and began arranging her hair. He could not
help watching her; she really surprised him a little. It was of course
admirable in her to keep her feelings in leash; still, this unruffled
composure was not altogether _au fait_. He had really credited her
with a little more depth; he had ventured to think that a settlement with
him would affect her somewhat. And there she stood tranquilly and arranged
her hair with apparent unconcern! He could not appreciate such a display
of _sang-froid_. To tell the truth, he felt snubbed; and he made the
remark that he was still present; it seemed peculiar that she had already
so completely forgotten him....
She did not answer. But when she left the mirror she paused for a moment
in the middle of the room, and with her eyes somewhere in the vicinity of
his shoes, she said wearily and indifferently:
"Don't you understand that I am entirely through with you?"
But in the street, bathed in the bright sunshine, surrounded by people and
carriages--there her strength gave way entirely and she began to sob
wildly. She covered her face with her veil, and sought the
least-frequented side-streets in order to avoid meeting anybody; she
walked hurriedly, stooping, shaken by convulsive sobs. How densely dark
the outlook whichever way she turned her eyes! She hurried on, walking in
the middle of the street, talking to herself in a choked voice. Could she
return to Andreas and the children? What if the door should be closed
against her? She had wasted two days; perhaps Andreas now had grown
impatient. Still, the door might be open if she only hurried....
Every time she took out her handkerchief she felt the crinkle of an
envelope. That was the envelope with the hundred-crown bill; she still had
that! Oh--if she only had somebody to go to now, a friend--not any of her
"friends" from the clique; she was through with them! She had been one of
them a year and a day; she had listened to their words and she had seen
their deeds. How had she been able to endure them? Thank God, she was done
with them forever. Could she go to Ole Henriksen and ask help from him?
No, no; she couldn't do that.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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