She sat there, dull and immobile. Her premonition had not deceived her; it
was all over. There he sat; he had spoken about this and that and
remembered this and that--everything that could possibly explain and
justify his actions. He had said a great deal, he had even bared himself
in spots; yes, how penuriously hadn't he scraped up the least little thing
that might vindicate him in the slightest degree! How could she ask him to
advise her? He would simply refer her to the newspaper advertisements:
"Flats and Apartments to Let." How insignificant he suddenly appeared!
Slowly he blurred before her eyes; he was blotted out; he became lost in
the dim distance; she saw him as through a haze; she barely discerned his
mother-of-pearl buttons and his sleek and shiny hair. She realised how her
eyes had been opened during his long speech; there he sat.... She felt
languidly that she ought to go, but she lacked the energy to get up. She
felt hollow and empty; the last little illusion to which she had clung so
tenaciously had collapsed miserably. Somebody's step sounded on the
stairs; she did not remember whether or no the door was locked, but she
did not go and make sure. The steps died down again; nobody knocked.
"Dearest Hanka," he said in an effort to console her as best he might,
"you ought to start in in earnest and write that novel we have talked
about. I am sure you could do it, and I will gladly go over the manuscript
for you. The effort, the concentration would do you good; you know I want
to see you content and satisfied."
Yes, once upon a time, she had really thought she would write a novel. Why
not? _Here_ one miss bobbed up, and _there_ another madam bobbed
up, and they all did write so cutely! Yes, she had really thought that it
was her turn next. And how they all had encouraged her! Thank God, she had
forgotten about it until now!
"You do not answer, Hanka?"
"Yes," she said absently, "there is something in what you say."
She got up suddenly and stood erect staring straight ahead. If she only
knew what to do now! Go home? That would probably be the best. Had she had
parents she would most likely have gone to them; however, she had never
had any parents, practically. She had better go home to Tidemand, where
she still lived....
And with a desolate smile she gave Irgens her hand and said farewell.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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