Charter rubbed the steam from the bath-room window, shaded his eyes, and
looked for the daylight which was not there. Stars still shone clear in
the unwhitened distances. Why was he so eager for the dawn? It was the
drunkard in him--always frightened and restless, even in sleep, _while
buffets are closed_. This is so, even though a filled flask cools the
fingers that grope under the pillow.... Any man who has ever walked the
streets during the two great cycles of time between three and five in
the morning, waiting for certain sinister doors to open, does not cease
to shiver at the memory even in his finer years. It is not the
discordant tyranny of nerves, nor the need of the body, pitiful and
actual though it is, wherein the terror lies,--but living, walking with
the consciousness that the devil is in power; that you are the debauched
instrument of his lust, putting away the sweet fragrant dawn for a place
of cuspidors, dormant flies, sticky woods, where bleared, saturated
messes of human flesh sneak in, even as you, to lick their love and
their life.... That you have waited for this moment for hours--oh,
God!--while the fair new day comes winging over mountains and lakes,
bringing, cleansed from inter-stellar spaces, the purity of lilies, new
mysteries of love, the ruddy light of roses and heroic hopes for clean
men--that you should hide from this adoring light in a dim place of
brutes, a place covered with the psychic stains of lust; that you should
run from clean gutters to drink this hell-seepage.
He asked himself why he thirsted for light. If every door on his floor
were a saloon, he would not have entered the nearest. And yet a summer
dawn was due. Hours must have passed since midnight. He glanced into the
medicine-case before turning off the lights in the bath-room. Alcohol
was the base in many of the bottles; this thought incited fever in his
brain.... He could hardly stand. A well-man would have been weakened by
the processes of cleansing he had endured. The blackness, pressing
against the outer window, became the form of his great trouble. "I wish
the day would come," he said aloud. His voice frightened him. It was
like a whimper from an insane ward. He hastened to escape from the
place, now hateful.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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