HARDCASTLE. (Aside.) Such a brazen dog sure never my eyes beheld. (To him.) Why, really, sir, as for supper I can’t well tell. My Dorothy and the cook-maid settle these things between them. I leave these kind of things entirely to them. MARLOW. You do, do you? HARDCASTLE. Entirely. By the bye, I believe they are in actual consultation upon what’s for supper this moment in the kitchen. MARLOW. Then I beg they’ll admit me as one of their privy council. It’s a way I have got. When I travel, I always chose to regulate my own supper. Let the cook be called. No offence I hope, sir. HARDCASTLE. O no, sir, none in the least; yet I don’t know how; our Bridget, the cook-maid, is not very communicative upon these occasions. Should we send for her, she might scold us all out of the house. HASTINGS. Let’s see your list of the larder then. I ask it as a favour. I always match my appetite to my bill of fare. MARLOW. (To HARDCASTLE, who looks at them with surprise.) Sir, he’s very right, and it’s my way too. HARDCASTLE. Sir, you have a right to command here. Here, Roger, bring us the bill of fare for to-night’s supper: I believe it’s drawn out--Your manner, Mr. Hastings, puts me in mind of my uncle, Colonel Wallop. It was a saying of his, that no man was sure of his supper till he had eaten it. HASTINGS. (Aside.) All upon the high rope! His uncle a colonel! we shall soon hear of his mother being a justice of the peace. But let’s hear the bill of fare. MARLOW. (Perusing.) What’s here? For the first course; for the second course; for the dessert. The devil, sir, do you think we have brought down a whole Joiners’ Company, or the corporation of Bedford, to eat up such a supper? Two or three little things, clean and comfortable, will do. HASTINGS. But let’s hear it. MARLOW. (Reading.) For the first course, at the top, a pig and prune sauce. HASTINGS. Damn your pig, I say. MARLOW. And damn your prune sauce, say I. HARDCASTLE. And yet, gentlemen, to men that are hungry, pig with prune sauce is very good eating. MARLOW. At the bottom, a calf’s tongue and brains. HASTINGS. Let your brains be knocked out, my good sir, I don’t like them. MARLOW. Or you may clap them on a plate by themselves. I do. HARDCASTLE. (Aside.) Their impudence confounds me. (To them.) Gentlemen, you are my guests, make what alterations you please. Is there anything else you wish to retrench or alter, gentlemen? MARLOW. Item, a pork pie, a boiled rabbit and sausages, a Florentine, a shaking pudding, and a dish of tiff--taff--taffety cream. HASTINGS. Confound your made dishes; I shall be as much at a loss in this house as at a green and yellow dinner at the French ambassador’s table. I’m for plain eating. HARDCASTLE. I’m sorry, gentlemen, that I have nothing you like, but if there be anything you have a particular fancy to----