MRS. HARDCASTLE. My son, sir. They are contracted to each other. Observe their little sports. They fall in and out ten times a day, as if they were man and wife already. (To them.) Well, Tony, child, what soft things are you saying to your cousin Constance this evening? TONY. I have been saying no soft things; but that it’s very hard to be followed about so. Ecod! I’ve not a place in the house now that’s left to myself, but the stable. MRS. HARDCASTLE. Never mind him, Con, my dear. He’s in another story behind your back. MISS NEVILLE. There’s something generous in my cousin’s manner. He falls out before faces to be forgiven in private. TONY. That’s a damned confounded--crack. MRS. HARDCASTLE. Ah! he’s a sly one. Don’t you think they are like each other about the mouth, Mr. Hastings? The Blenkinsop mouth to a T. They’re of a size too. Back to back, my pretties, that Mr. Hastings may see you. Come, Tony. TONY. You had as good not make me, I tell you. (Measuring.) MISS NEVILLE. O lud! he has almost cracked my head. MRS. HARDCASTLE. O, the monster! For shame, Tony. You a man, and behave so! TONY. If I’m a man, let me have my fortin. Ecod! I’ll not be made a fool of no longer. MRS. HARDCASTLE. Is this, ungrateful boy, all that I’m to get for the pains I have taken in your education? I that have rocked you in your cradle, and fed that pretty mouth with a spoon! Did not I work that waistcoat to make you genteel? Did not I prescribe for you every day, and weep while the receipt was operating? TONY. Ecod! you had reason to weep, for you have been dosing me ever since I was born. I have gone through every receipt in the Complete Huswife ten times over; and you have thoughts of coursing me through Quincy next spring. But, ecod! I tell you, I’ll not be made a fool of no longer. MRS. HARDCASTLE. Wasn’t it all for your good, viper? Wasn’t it all for your good? TONY. I wish you’d let me and my good alone, then. Snubbing this way when I’m in spirits. If I’m to have any good, let it come of itself; not to keep dinging it, dinging it into one so. MRS. HARDCASTLE. That’s false; I never see you when you’re in spirits. No, Tony, you then go to the alehouse or kennel. I’m never to be delighted with your agreeable wild notes, unfeeling monster! TONY. Ecod! mamma, your own notes are the wildest of the two. MRS. HARDCASTLE. Was ever the like? But I see he wants to break my heart, I see he does. HASTINGS. Dear madam, permit me to lecture the young gentleman a little. I’m certain I can persuade him to his duty. MRS. HARDCASTLE. Well, I must retire. Come, Constance, my love. You see, Mr. Hastings, the wretchedness of my situation: was ever poor woman so plagued with a dear sweet, pretty, provoking, undutiful boy? [Exeunt MRS. HARDCASTLE and MISS NEVILLE.]