Her voice penetrated the uproar of his mind, stilling troubled waters,
blanketing other sounds. For seconds, it seemed to elevate him to some
remote, lofty plane where life was serene, uncomplicated. Detached, he
drifted with his own alien thoughts. Through senses other than visual,
he watched his stumbling progress at her side as the girl threaded a
pathway through the maze. Through senses not normally his own, he was
aware of the utter strangeness behind this forest and its crystalline
mysteries. He recognized the girl as part of the strangeness.
Dimly, he sensed some cosmic reluctance in himself, and was disturbed by
his trend of thought. Faintly, he was aware of bodily movement and the
crowding feel of shadowy aisles about him. But he was more aware of the
girl, of her physical presence, and of the unrest she inspired in him.
Songeen! He had known many women on many, strange worlds. But none like
this, none ever so strange, so wonderful, so terrifying. He had wanted
her, yes. But only for an hour of passion, at first. An hour of the
blinding futility of trying, in her arms, to forget the crowding
ugliness of life. He had not cared if the women he knew had souls, or if
he had. Souls were unfamiliar, vague, and he would not have known one if
he encountered it. Soft, white bodies, glowing like pale witchlights in
the darkness. Yes, he had known many such. He had known many women,
loved none.
Newlin had not spoken, not in words. But Songeen heard, by some subtle
sense that was part of this abnormal forest.
Her laugh was a soft tinkle of breaking glass. She did not speak aloud,
but word-symbols of thought poured from her mind. Newlin was aware of
them, springing suddenly into his own brain, but he knew they came from
her.
"Many women, yes. But none like me. If you loved me, it would not be for
this body. It is not what you think. I hold this substance, this form,
only by power of will. It is mine only for a short while more. My flesh
is not like yours, subject to different laws of form and movement."
* * * * *
Newlin answered her, but now in words. His voice sounded like a note of
strained sanity in such a place of nightmare.
"I never learned love in the sense you mean," he said. "Nor had I
thought of you again, in that way--after Monta Park. You were too alien
for me. I understood that. Too alien for any kind of love I knew. You
were--repulsive."
In silence, then, thoughts blocked out, Songeen guided Newlin. She
seemed aloof, withdrawn. They filed slowly amid towering masses of smoky
crystal. She led, drifting like a smoke wraith, before him. Newlin
picked a cautious pathway over treacherous, unstable footing. He
followed, bemused, and reluctance grew into agony of mind.
What was wrong with him? He grappled with himself, and strains grew into
open rebellion. What did he want?
Near the portal, sensing it or another like it, he balked.
"Songeen!"
At his call, she glided back, phantomlike. "Yes?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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