"Short Sixes": Stories to be Read While the Candle BurnsBunner, H. C. (Henry Cuyler)
General
"Short Sixes": Stories to be Read While the Candle Burns
Bunner, H. C. (Henry Cuyler)
Short stories, American; United States -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
“Fohty yahds!” the Colonel roared: “fohty yahds! This hyeh man
Finnegan, this hyeh cock–a–doodle–doo, he goes along this hyeh road,
and he casts his eye oveh this hyeh excavation, and he comes hyeh and
sweahs it’s fohty yahds good measure. Does he take a tape measure and
measure it? NO! Does he even pace it off with those hyeh corkscrew
legs of his that he’s trying to hide under his chaiah? NO!! He says,
‘I’m Finnegan, and this hyeh’s fohty yahds,’ and off he sashays up the
hill, wondering wheah Finnegan’s going to bring up when he’s walked off
the topmost peak of the snow–clad Himalayas of human omniscience! And
this hyeh man, this hyeh insult to humanity in a papeh collah, he comes
hyeh, to this august tribunal, and he asks you, gentlemen of the jury,
to let him rob you of the money you have earned in the sweat of youh
brows, to take the bread out of the mouths of the children whom youh
patient and devoted wives have bohne to you in pain _and_ anguish—but I
say to you, _gen_—_tel_—_men_—(_suddenly exploding_) HIS PAPEH COLLAH
SHALL ROAST IN HADES BEFO’ I WILL BE A PAHTY TO THIS HYEH INFAMY!”
Finnegan was found in hiding in his cellar when his counsel came to
tell him that he could not collect his $31.27. “Bedad, is _that_ all?”
he gasped; “I t’ought I’d get six mont’s.”
People flocked from miles about to hear the Colonel. Recalcitrant
jurymen were bribed to service by the promise of a Brereton case on the
docket. His performances were regarded in the light of a free show, and
a verdict in his favor was looked upon as a graceful gratuity.
He made money—and he gave it meekly to Aunty Sabrine.
* * * * *
It was the night of the great blizzard; but there was no sign of cold
or wind when I looked out, half–an–hour after midnight, before closing
my front door. I heard the drip of water from the trees, I saw a faint
mist rising from the melting snow. At the foot of my lawn I dimly saw
the Colonel’s familiar figure marching homeward from some political
meeting preliminary to Tuesday’s election. His form was erect, his step
steady. He swung his little cane and whistled as he walked. I was proud
of the Colonel.
[Illustration]
An hour later the storm was upon us. By noon of Monday, Alfred
Winthrop’s house, two hundred yards away, might as well have been two
thousand, so far as getting to it, or even seeing it, was concerned.
Tuesday morning the snow had stopped, and we looked out over a still
and shining deluge with sparkling fringes above the blue hollows of its
frozen waves. Across it roared an icy wind, bearing almost invisible
diamond dust to fill irritated eyes and throats. The election was held
that day. The result was to be expected. All the “hard” citizens were
at the polls. Most of the reformers were stalled in railroad trains.
The Reform Ticket failed of re–election, and Colonel Brereton’s term of
office was practically at an end.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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