English fiction -- 20th century; Short stories, English
Come back? From where? Where was _he_ now--the individuality she
addressed as “you”? Was that essential personality of his buried deep
in this spiritless automaton, or was it away somewhere in the void,
unaware both of its fleshly anchor and of her? Could she not reach that
spirit of his, poised out of time and space, by the powers of her own
love and longing, since they, too, surely were able to transcend the
limitations of the purely physical? But to do that she must not sit and
gaze at this empty replica on the bed; she must think not of his image,
but of _him_, not of the representative, but of the spirit.
Nevertheless, when she began to pace the length of the room, she found
that when the sight of her husband’s placid face was hidden some
stimulus to concentration was removed also. While she stared at him
her thought was held and focused, now she was distracted by her vision
of the familiar things that were associated with her past life in his
company. She was thinking, not of him, but of the things he had done,
the man he had been.
Perhaps darkness might help her, she thought, and she laid herself down
on the bed and once more quenched the obedient light.
For a time she lay still, staring into the blackness, clenched in a
vivid effort of concentration, and then her eyes closed, and even as
she protested that she would not sleep, she had a vision of herself
lying inert and pale on her own bed, even as he was lying.
Then she seemed to be rising, baffled and half-unwilling, through
wreaths of a palpable darkness that clung about her with a dragging,
suffocating weight. And then it seemed to her that she was wandering,
lost and perplexed, on a gaunt and arid plain that might once have been
the bed of a now vanished sea.
She was not alone. Other figures, wraiths of humanity, also wandered
here and there. But none noticed her. They moved as if they were
searching for something they could never hope to find. They peered
vaguely downwards, passing her with bent heads and eyes that sought the
ground with a reluctant determination....
She found herself trembling, not with horror, but with a rapture of
expectancy. She had become aware that one among these drifting wraiths
was moving definitely towards her, drawn by the power of her longing.
And she had command of the power, so that it was ecstasy to wield it.
Almost she was tempted to withhold her amazing strength in order to
taste again the pleasure of its renewed exercise.
Then with a sense of some lost interval she found herself face to face
with him. But he looked at her without a sign of recognition. His eyes,
too, were full of that aimless intention, as though he was under an
eternal command to search for some unknown thing that was hidden he
knew not where.
“Paul!” she cried to him.
He made no reply. He did not seem to have heard her. But still she was
conscious of her immense power over him.
“Paul,” she said again. “Come back with me.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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