MISS MEA. What is this? A letter! and directed "From, the lady of the house to Mr. Pinkey." _(Taking up the pink letter on the table.)_ PIN. To me! [_PINKEY rises in alarm, MISS MEADOWS hands him the letter._ PIN. _(Reading.)_ "From the lady of the house to----" Oh, dear, what can it be about? BOSS. A love letter, perhaps. ALL. Read it--read it! PIN. _(Opens the letter and reads; they all rise and surround him.)_ "The lady of the house hearing that her new neighbours have formed attachments that only require a little decision and a good example to end in matrimony, has invited them to propose, that each person shall write on a slip of paper the name of the party that he or she could be most happy with for life, and where there may be a mutuality to marry accordingly. ALL. How strange--how odd! NIG. Hush! Go on. ALL. Go on. PIN. _(Continuing.)_ "When the selections are made and announced, let each gentleman fall gallantly on his knee to the object of his choice, and at that moment the lady of the house will appear." There, now, what's to be done? NIG. The lady's command must of course be obeyed! ALL. Certainly--certainly. DAM. Aha! Aha! Now Hymen's torch is indeed blazing away in the midst of us. Burn your wings, ye infatuated moths, do! Bob blindly into the flame, and experience all the agonies I have long pictured to you--I'll set you the example! Here--here is paper--pens too! Write--write--and seal your miseries! [_DAMPER goes to the centre table, and supplies the group with writing paper; they take pens, go to the tables where they were before seated, and write, looking towards the object of their choice._ DAM. Have you done? ALL. Yes, yes. DAM. Place your papers on this table--the women by _themselves_, the gentlemen by _themselves_--I'll officiate as parish clerk and publish what banns I may! [_The ladies place their papers on one side of the centre table--the gentlemen on the other. All retire to their places._ DAM. _(At the table.)_ Silence! _(He selects two papers.)_ "John Niggle, Caroline Coy." Now for Caroline Coy--the choice is mutual--'tis John Niggle. Are you agreed? NIG. Do you relent? Am I to be so happy? I cannot fluctuate now--forgive me--say but the word, and I am in your arms! MISS C. As I have received a promise of help in my difficulties, I can't refuse you! DAM. Miserable being, go to your lady! NIG. _(Running to MISS COY and embracing her.)_ Happy man that I am, how can I express my joy? MISS C. By your silence. [_DAMPER selects two other slips._ DAM. "Narcissus Boss, Sarah Snare." The lady's choice is fixed upon the same gentleman. Are you agreed? BOSS. Do you forgive me? DAM. What has he done? MISS SNA. If I must confess, he attempted to salute me, before making a formal declaration! ALL. Oh, Boss, for shame! BOSS. Upon my life 'twas a mere grateful impulse. MISS SNA. All the improprieties of life are impulses.