Bildungsromans; England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Illegitimate children -- Fiction
margin had his own mother escaped the doom of Lily? All his conceptions
of order and safety and custom tottered and reeled at such a thought.
Surely such a realization doubled his obligation to atone by rescuing
Lily, out of very thankfulness to God that his own mother had escaped
the evil which had come to her. How wretchedly puny now seemed all his
own repinings. All he had gained for his own character had been a vague
dissatisfaction that he could not succeed to the earldom in order to
prove the sanctity of good breeding. There had been no gratitude; there
had been nothing but a hurt conceit. The horror of Drake’s news would
at least cure him forever of that pettiness. Already he felt the
strength that comes from the sight of a task that must be conquered. He
had been moved that morning by the tale of Manon Lescaut. This tale of
Lily was in comparison with that as an earthquake to the tunneling of a
mole beneath a croquet-lawn. And now must he regard his father’s memory
with condemnation? Must he hate him? He must hate him, indeed, unless
by his own behavior he could feel he had accepted in substitution the
burden of his father’s responsibility. And he had admired him so much
dying out there in Africa for his country. He had resented his death
for the sake of thousands more unworthy living comfortably at home.
“All my standards are falling to pieces,” thought Michael. “Heroes and
heroines are all turning into cardboard. If I don’t make some effort to
be true to conviction, I shall turn to cardboard with the rest.”
He began to pace the room in a tumult of intentions, vows and
resolutions. Somehow before he slept he must shape his course. Four
years had dreamed themselves away at Oxford. Unless all that education
was as immaterial as the fogs of the Isis, it must provide him now with
an indication of his duty. He had believed in Oxford, believed in her
infallibility and glory, he had worshiped all she stood for. He had
surrendered himself to her to make of him a gentleman, and unless these
four years had been a delusion, his education must bear fruit now.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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