Bildungsromans; England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Illegitimate children -- Fiction
on his lonely walks he had passed askance by Padua Terrace; the
shouting of murders by newspaper-boys on drizzled December nights; all
those dreadful intimations in childhood had procured his present idea
of London. With the indestructible truth of earliest impressions they
still persisted behind the outward presentation of a normal and
comfortable procedure in the midst of money, friends, and well-bred
conventions. Nor had that speculum been merely the half-savage fancy of
childhood, the endowment by the young of material things with
immaterial potencies. Phantoms which had slunk by as terrors invisible
to the blind eyes of grown-ups had been abominably incarnate for him.
Brother Aloysius had been something more than a mere personification,
and that life which the ex-monk had indicated as scarcely even below
the surface, so easy was it to enter, had he not entered it that one
night very easily?
Destiny, thought Michael, had stood with pointed finger beside the
phantoms and the realities of the underworld. There for him lay very
easily discernible the true corollary to the four years of Oxford. They
had been years of rest and refreshment, years of armament with wise and
academic and well-observed theories of behavior that would defeat the
victory of evil. It was very satisfactory to discover definitely that
he was not a Pragmatist. He had suspected all that crew of
philosophers. He would bring back Lily from evil, not from any illusion
of evil. He would not allow himself to disparage the problem before him
by any speciousness of worldly convenience. It was imperative to meet
Lily again as one who moving in the shadows meets another in the nether
gloom. They had met first of all as boy and girl, as equals. Now he
must not come too obviously from the world she had left behind her.
Such an encounter would never give him more than at best a sentimental
appeal; at worst it could have the air of a priggish reclamation, and
she would forever elude him, she with secret years within her
experience. His instinct first to sever himself from his own world must
have been infallible, and it was on account of that instinct that now
he found himself in Neptune Crescent leaning over the window-sill and
scenting the reasty London air.
And how well secluded was this room. If he met Lonsdale or Maurice or
Wedderburn, it would be most fantastically amusing to evade them at the
evening’s end, to retreat from their company into Camden Town; into
Neptune Crescent unimaginable to them; into this small room with its
red rep chairs and horsehair sofa and blobbed valances and curtains; to
this small room where the dark blue wall-paper inclosed him with a
matted vegetation and the picture of Belshazzar’s Feast glowered above
the heavy sideboard; to this small room made rich by the two thorny
shells upon the mantelpiece, by the bowl of blond goldfish in ceaseless
dim circumnatation, and by those colored pampas plumes and the
bulrushes in their conch of nacreous glass.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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