Bildungsromans; England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Illegitimate children -- Fiction
Michael walked very quickly because it seemed the only way to wear out
his chagrin. How idiotic it had been to let himself be caught like
that. Supposing she did not visit the Orient again for a long time? It
would serve him right. Oh, why had he not managed to get in front of
those vehicles in time? He and she might have been driving together
now; instead of which he was stamping his way along this dull dark
pavement. How tall she had seemed, how beautiful in her black frock. At
last he knew why all this time women had left him cold. He loved her
still. What nonsense it had been for him to think he wanted to marry
her in order to rescue her. What priggish insolence! He loved her
still: he loved her now: he loved her: he loved her! The railings of
Green Park rattled to his stick. He loved her more passionately because
the ghost of her whom he had thought of with romantic embellishment all
these years was but a caricature of her reality. That image of gossamer
which had floated through his dreams was become nothing, now that again
he had seen herself with her tall neck and the aureole of her hair and
the delicate poise of her as she waited among those knock-kneed women
on the pavement. He brought his stick crashing down upon a bin of
gravel by the curb that it might clang forth his rage. In what
direction had she driven away? Even that he did not know. She might
have driven past this very lamp-post a few minutes back.
Here was Hyde Park Corner. In London it was overwhelming to speculate
upon a hansom’s progress. Here already were main roads branching, and
these in their turn would branch, and others after them until the
imagination was baffled. Waste of time. Waste of time. He would not
picture her in any quarter of London. But never one night should escape
without his waiting for her at the Orient. Where was she now? He would
put her from his mind until they met. Supposing that round the corner
of that wall she were waiting, because the cab horse had slipped. How
she would turn toward him in her black dress. “I saw you outside the
Orient,” he would say. She should know immediately that he was not
deceived about her life. So vividly had he conjured the scene that when
he rounded the wall on his way down Buckingham Palace Road, he was
disappointed to see no cab, no Lily standing perplexed; merely a tabid
woman clothed in a cobweb of crape, asleep over her tray of matches and
huddled against the wall of the King’s garden. He put a sixpence among
her match-boxes, and wondered of what were her dark dreams. The stars
were blue as steel in the moonless sky above the arc-lamps; and a cold
parching wind had sprung up. Michael deviated from the nearest way to
Leppard Street, and walked on quickly into the heart of Pimlico. This
kind of clear-cut air suited the architecture of the ashen streets. One
after another they stretched before him with their dim checkers of
doors and windows. Sometimes, where they were intersected by wider
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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