Bildungsromans; England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Illegitimate children -- Fiction
Porcher came in presently with lunch, and the commons of bread and
cheese with the ale foaming in a silver tankard added the final touch
to Michael’s depression. He thought that nothing in the world, could
express the spirit of loneliness so perfectly as a sparse lunch laid
for one on a large table. He wandered away from its melancholy
invitation into the bedroom and looked sadly down into the quad. In
every doorway stood knots of senior men talking: continually came new
arrivals to hail familiarly their friends after the vacation: scouts
hurried to and fro with trays of food: from window to window gossip,
greetings, appointments were merrily shouted. Michael watched this
scene of intimate movement played against the background of elms and
gray walls. The golden fume of the October weather transcended somehow
all impermanence, and he felt with a sudden springing of imagination
that so had this scene been played before, that so forever would it be
played for generations to come. Yet for him as yet outside the picture
remained, fortunately less eternal, that solitary lunch. He ate it
hurriedly and as soon as he had finished set out to find Alan at Christ
Church.
Freedom came back with the elation of walking up the High; and in the
Christ Church lodge Michael was able to ask without a blush for Alan’s
rooms. The great space of Tom quad by absorbing his self-consciousness
allowed him to feel himself an unit of the small and decorative
population that enhanced the architecture there. The scattered, groups
of friends whose voices became part of the very air itself like the
wings of the pigeons and the perpetual tapping of footsteps, the two
dons treading in slow confabulation that wide flagged terrace, even
himself were here forever. Michael captured again in that moment the
crystallized vision of Oxford which had first been vouchsafed to him
long ago by that old print of St. Mary’s tower. He turned reluctantly
away from Tom quad, and going on to seek Alan in Meadows, by mistake
found himself in Peckwater. A tall fair undergraduate was standing
alone in the center of the quad, cracking a whip. Suddenly Michael
realized that his father had been at Christ Church; and this tall fair
whip-cracker served for him as the symbol of his father. He must have
often stood here so, cracking a whip; and Michael never came into
Peckwater without recreating him so occupied on a fine autumn
afternoon, whip in hand, very tall and very fair in the glinting
sunlight.
Dreams faded out, when Michael ran up the staircase to Alan’s rooms;
but he was full-charged again with all that suppressed intellectual
excitement which he had counted upon finding in Oxford, but which he
had failed to find until the wide tranquillity of Tom quad had given
him, as it were, the benediction of the University.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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