Humorous stories, American; United States -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
"Hope! Mortimer, you know no more what you are talking about than the
child unborn. If you would--As I live, the directions say give one
teaspoonful once an hour! Once an hour!--as if we had a whole year
before us to save the child in! Mortimer, please hurry. Give the poor
perishing thing a tablespoonful, and try to be quick!"
"Why, my dear, a tablespoonful might--"
"Don't drive me frantic! . . . There, there, there, my precious, my
own; it's nasty bitter stuff, but it's good for Nelly--good for mother's
precious darling; and it will make her well. There, there, there, put
the little head on mamma's breast and go to sleep, and pretty soon--oh,
I know she can't live till morning! Mortimer, a tablespoonful every
half-hour will--Oh, the child needs belladonna, too; I know she does--and
aconite. Get them, Mortimer. Now do let me have my way. You know
nothing about these things."
We now went to bed, placing the crib close to my wife's pillow. All this
turmoil had worn upon me, and within two minutes I was something more
than half asleep. Mrs. McWilliams roused me:
"Darling, is that register turned on?"
"No."
"I thought as much. Please turn it on at once. This room is cold."
I turned it on, and presently fell asleep again. I was aroused once
more:
"Dearie, would you mind moving the crib to your side of the bed? It is
nearer the register."
I moved it, but had a collision with the rug and woke up the child. I
dozed off once more, while my wife quieted the sufferer. But in a little
while these words came murmuring remotely through the fog of my
drowsiness:
"Mortimer, if we only had some goose grease--will you ring?"
I climbed dreamily out, and stepped on a cat, which responded with a
protest and would have got a convincing kick for it if a chair had not
got it instead.
"Now, Mortimer, why do you want to turn up the gas and wake up the child
again?"
"Because I want to see how much I am hurt, Caroline."
"Well, look at the chair, too--I have no doubt it is ruined. Poor cat,
suppose you had--"
"Now I am not going to suppose anything about the cat. It never would
have occurred if Maria had been allowed to remain here and attend to
these duties, which are in her line and are not in mine."
"Now, Mortimer, I should think you would be ashamed to make a remark like
that. It is a pity if you cannot do the few little things I ask of you
at such an awful time as this when our child--"
"There, there, I will do anything you want. But I can't raise anybody
with this bell. They're all gone to bed. Where is the goose grease?"
"On the mantelpiece in the nursery. If you'll step there and speak to
Maria--"
I fetched the goose grease and went to sleep again. Once more I was
called:
"Mortimer, I so hate to disturb you, but the room is still too cold for
me to try to apply this stuff. Would you mind lighting the fire? It is
all ready to touch a match to."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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