Produced by Al Haines [Frontispiece: The sweetest picture of family contentment I have ever witnessed.] SKIDDOO! BY HUGH McHUGH (George V. Hobart) AUTHOR OF "JOHN HENRY," "DOWN THE LINE WITH JOHN HENRY," "IT'S UP TO YOU," "BACK TO THE WOODS," "OUT FOR THE COIN," "I NEED THE MONEY," "I'M FROM MISSOURI," "YOU CAN SEARCH ME," "GET NEXT," ETC. ILLUSTRATIONS BY GORDON H. GRANT TORONTO THE COPP, CLARK CO., LTD. PUBLISHERS COPYRIGHT, 1906, BY G. W. DILLINGHAM Co. ISSUED MARCH, 1906. All rights strictly reserved, and any infringement of copyright will be dealt with according to law. SKIDDOO! CONTENTS JOHN HENRY ON UPPER BERTHS JOHN HENRY ON COOKS JOHN HENRY ON PATRIOTISM JOHN HENRY ON MOSQUITOES JOHN HENRY ON STREET CAR ETIQUETTE JOHN HENRY ON SOCIAL AFFAIRS JOHN HENRY ON CHAFING DISHES ILLUSTRATIONS The sweetest picture of family contentment I have ever witnessed . . . . . . _Frontispiece_ I made a short prayer and concluded to fall out Ollie was half Swede and the rest of her was deaf With the fire-crackers cheering him on "Ping-ding-a-zing-a-boom!" [missing from book] "Naw, we don't take no transfers, needer!" To the five hundred and seventy-five thousands friends who have made this series of John Henry books a success beyond all dreaming, my deepest gratitude. To the Good Fellows of the Press who have looked upon John Henry with the Eye of Understanding, and who, realizing that these books were never intended to be more than an humble form of entertainment, have written thereof with the Pen of Patience, I say thank you, with all my heart. To the Busy Little Bunch of Newspaper Knockers who have so assiduously plied hammer and harpoon since this series began, I want to say that 575,000 John Henry books were sold up to March 1st, 1906. There is your answer, O Beloved of the Short Arm Jab! Ponder thereon, ye Little Brothers of the Knock-Out Drops, Five Hundred and Seventy-five Thousand books sold (and mine is twelve per cent. of the gross) while you are STILL drawing your little $18 per and STILL singing second tenor in the Anvil Chorus. Now O, sweet-scented Companions of the Crimp, and Brethren of the Double-Cross, ask your weazened little souls what's the use? Skiddoo for yours! G. V. H. SKIDDOO CHAPTER I JOHN HENRY ON UPPER BERTHS I was down on the card to make a quick jump to Pittsburg a few nights ago, and I'm a lemon if I didn't draw an upper berth in the sleeping car thing! Say! I'll be one of a party of six to go before Congress and tell all I know about an upper berth. And I'd like to tell it right now while I'm good and hot around the collar. The upper berth in a sleeping car is the same relation to comfort that a carpet tack is to a bare foot. As a place to tie up a small bundle of sleep a boiler factory has it beat to a whimper.