He surprised himself by a touch of anger. It came and was gone like a
flicker of lightning.
“I’ve obeyed you,” he said slowly; “I’ve come. I’ve done everything
decent that I could think of to keep you reminded of me. Since we said
’Good-by,’ I’ve known nothing but purgatory. Even happy things haven’t
been happy, because you weren’t there to share. That’s the way I feel
about you, Desire: whatever I am or can be must be for you. But you----
From the moment you sailed out of Liverpool, you dropped me. You didn’t
answer my letters. You went out of New York the day I landed, leaving no
message. When we met last night for five minutes, you were with another
man. This morning for about half-an-hour you did seem glad, but since
then----”
He bit his lips and watched her. Outwardly she seemed utterly unmoved.
“Shall I go on?”
“Just as you like.”
His words came with a rush. “This means too much to me; it’s all or
nothing. If it means nothing to you, say so. I’m not playing. I can
go away now--there’s time; soon you’ll have become too much a part of
me.--When you’ve forced me up to the point of being frank, you say,
’Let’s talk of something else.’ Can’t you understand that you’re
becoming my religion--that I do everything thinking, ’This’ll make her
happy,’ and dream about you day and night?”
She sat beside him motionless. He had expected her either to surrender
or to show resentment. She made no attempt to alter her position; their
shoulders were still touching.
At last, when he had come to the breaking-point, she lifted her grave
gray eyes. “You’re foolish,” she said quietly. “Of course I’m glad of
you. But you’ll spoil everything by being in such a hurry. You don’t
know what kind of a girl I am. We’ve not been together twenty-four hours
all told, and yet that’s been long enough to teach me that we’re totally
unlike. I’m temperamental---one of those girls who alter with the
fashions. You’re one of the people who never change. You’re the same
nice boy I used to play with, and fancy that--oh, that on some far-off
day I might marry. You’re nearly famous, so mother says. I want to be
famous, too; but I’m younger than you--I’ve not had time. But I know
much more about the world. Don’t be hurt when I say it: your ideas
about love and your generosity, and everything you do, make me feel that
you’re such a child. I like you for it,” she added quickly.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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